Bianka's Diary

[Titina]

shit happen....strange things happen...life wants to show us that we have to fight everything and we don't have to let ourselfs down...
people die,people that you loved die,but u must go with yourselfin life just like nothing happen...u know what?sufletul nu moare niciodata....so,cu acea persoana daca vrei sa mai tzii legatura...daca inca vrei sa mai comunici,poti oricand.Traind prin noi,prin natura,prin tot,sufletul te aude si iti raspunde la intrebari sau la ceea ce incerci sa-i comunici,prin semne...fiecare semn din viata e un raspuns ce-ti poate schimba calea...
so,don't worry,you`re still you..."sunt egoista,n-am suflet,demonstrez ca am o inima de gheata si ca nu pot tzine la nimeni...parca n-am suflet...what am I?Am I still human?No....it can't be,i'm not a devil,i'm not an evil heart longing 4 someone to set it free..." I can't tell myself these words....just the other people let me think this way...
Lacatul de la inima a ruginit deja...cheia a disparut...my heart will never be free...but i can live that way...i can live that way,just imagining a true loving heart 4 me...chiar daca ar trebui,nu pot sa plang...mi-e total indiferent daca vreau sa daca nu,dar pur si simplu nu pot.Imi pare rau...I'm so sorry,God,but u made me like this....I have no tears 4 dead people...i have no fear...and ...it's not my fault.
Sper sa nu fi ramas amprenta a ceea ce-am spus acum in viata mea...maybe I really have to change myself...

Ceea ce simt..de fapt mai bine zis ceea ce nu simt acum e mai mult decat optimism..ca zi ca eu sunt o persoana optimista si d'aia nu sufar prea mult pentru persoanele din jurul meu,pentru persoanele apropiate mie..e bine totusi ca pot trece asha ushor,ca si cand nimic nu s-ar fi intamplat,peste momente grele,ce daca ar fi fost in viata altora poate ar fi si schimbat viata acelei persoane in rau sau...oricum..ar fi facut-o sa sufere..Dar totusi deja cred si eu ca tratez cu mult prea multa indiferenta lucruri grave...de ce oare?I just don't care or what?...I care but I don't cry,I just don't feel,cause my heart is stoned...but I care..

"Cold was my soul" (Cradle of Filth - Nymphetamine) .....
..............................................................................and it still feels cold...


Si daca totul ar fi fost in regula cu mine si daca as fi simtit ceea ce ar fi trebuit sa simt cand am auzit vestea...poate ca as fi ascultat urmatoarea melodie...ce ar reprezenta un moment ca acesta...dar uite ca nu e asha...nu e asha...nici o lacrima n-am varsat...nu simt nimic,nici fericire,nici tristete...pur si simplu ma simt pe mine,ma simt normala,ca de obicei,neatinsa de veste... si asta nu e bine..


"I miss you
Miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same oh

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't oh oh oh oh oh
I hope you can hear me
Cause I remember it clearly

I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't a fake it
It happened you passed by

Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back

Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you're not coming back"

(Avril Lavigne - Slipped away)

Cred ca nu am realizat ce s-a intamplat si nici nu stiu daca voi realiza vreodata...poate e mai bine asa totusi.

[Titina]

I want to escape from me,I just can’t take it anymore….Imi distrug viata,ma distrug daca nu pun stop acum,incercand sa ma gandesc la ceea ce vreau sa fiu si la ceea ce ma chinui sa fiu,crezand ca mi-ar fi mai bine asa…si cel mai important,la ceea ce sunt… I wanna be sweet,m-am saturat de imaginea ce o are multa lume despre mine…pey normal,nimeni nu si-o schimba,ca observa ca persist in incercarea mea de a ma regasi si de a nu accepta ca nu sunt ceea ce vreau sa fiu.I wanna be normal,nu mai vreau sa intoarca toti privirile dupa mine in orice moment…. intr-un fel m-am saturat.Si din nou,asa zic acum,maine din nou incep sa ma comport cum cred eu ca sunt…dar oare chiar sunt asa?Oare cand voi afla cum sunt cu adevarat?

“Please my wings fly me away..” and again ascult aceasta melodie ce ma calmeaza (Lene Marlin – Flown away)

E miezul noptii,mi-e somn,dar nu vreau sa ma culc…mi-e frica de mine,mi-e frica de fatza ce-o voi avea maine,mi-e frica de cum o sa-mi stric viata in continuare,intrebandu-ma in secret,in sufletul meu,”oare de ce fac asta?Oare de ce mi-e frica de a fi la mijloc…oare de ce incerc tot timpul sa fiu numai in extreme?”

Is anybody there to help me?

Mi-e frica sa trec in secunda urmatoare,mi-e frica sa imi iau degetele de pe tastatura,mi-e frica sa las aceasta idée nerezolvata….cum o las de fiecare data.Voi ajunge la vreun rezultat oare?Nu cred….deja am inceput sa-mi pierd si speranta ca voi fi vreodata o fata normala,iubitoare,dulce,ce se comporta ca ptr varsta ei,o fata zambitoare,ce se poate bucura de simpatia tuturor celor din jur…

I want to cry,I need to cry,trebuie sa-mi spal sufletul de toate suishurile si coborashurile din ultimii ani…dar nu mai pot,nu mai pot nici sa plang…nu mai am nici lacrimi.Oare mai sunt om,fara lacrimi,fara iubire,fara zambet?

Poate sunt prea exagerata si ma critic prea dur…de ce imi spun ca nu pot plange,iubi,zambi pur,fi EU?De ce?Oare chiar nu pot sau frica se pune in fatza tuturor?Frica de a inceta cu schimbarile radicale din viata mea,frica de incerca sa inteleg oamenii din jurul meu si mai ales,pe mine…

De ce-mi pun aceste intrebari?Cred ca mai bine e pana si de o proasta pe care toti o vorbesc de rau,dar ea nu se prinde,si totusi isi traieste fericita viata…macar ea nu observa prostia si indiferenta ei fata de cei din jur si fata de imaginea ei….dar eu nu pot fi asa! Nu pot sa nu ma uit in jur,nu pot sa nu-mi analizez imaginile create…Oare inca nu mi-am dat seama ca tot timpul cand incerc sa fiu eu,ajung sa sa ma uit in jur si sa imi piara si ultimul zambet de pe buze,vazand cum ma inteleg si cum ma vede lumea….?

Bagandu-mi in cap aceste idei,SIGUR nu o sa pot scaspa de lanturile in care ma simt legata!Dar pur si simplu nu pot lasa aceasta idée nerezolvata,neinteleas,nu-mi gasesc linistea,simtindu-ma de fiecare data la fel…. Trebuie sa termin cu presupunerile acestea despre viata mea,fiindca imi spun niste lucuri ce s-ar putea sa nu fie adevarate,dar care sa ma influenteze si pana la urma sa devina adevarate…

Nu-mi vine sa cred cat am scris si…..imi dau seama ca tot la fel ma simt,nu m-am schimbat cu nimic,deci e ca si cand n-am scris nimic…
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Ma uit din nou la niste poze din trecut…ma intreb…oare ce vad in ochii mei?Ma vad pe mine sau vad o imagine ca scut,pentru a placea celor din jur,pentru a incerca sa fiu placuta de toti…oare asta o fi tot?!O incercare disperata de a-mi controla fiecare miscare,fiecare privire doar pentru cei din jur,uitand sa ma gandesc la mine si viata mea ce pur si simplu zboara pe langa mine….Si imi dau seama cat timp irosit….pentru ce??Pentru o imagine ce difera de la o persoana la alta…fiecare persoana ma vede altfel..si imi convenea acest lucur,fiindca placeam unor persoane total diferite intre ele…dar totusi….dintre toate imaginile astea ce zic eu ca-mi apartin….care e cea adevarata?Care e imaginea ce se vede prin ochii mei,daca te uiti intr-un moment in care cred ca nu ma vede nimeni si nu mai trebuie sa-mi pun scutul?Oare va afla careva?daca eu nu reushesc…
Unele poze imi arata niste ochi chinuiti de atatea fetze si de atatea imagini…niste ochi ce cauta persoane ce ii pot descoperi asha cum sunt ei,nu cum ii “creez” de la persoana la persoana…




"You love me but you don't know who I am [...] So let me go..." - 3 Doors Down - Let me go

"Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you"

(311 - Lovesong)

[Titina]

Never say I love you
If you don't really care

Never talk of feelings
If they aren't really there

Never hold my hand
If you mean to break my heart

Never say forever
If you never plan to start

Never look into my eyes
If you are telling me a lie

Never say hello
If you think you'll say goodbye

Never say that i'm THE one
If you dream of more than me

Never lock up to my heart
If you don’t have the key



Don't you know
I hate you
I don't like you
I really don't love you
I never ever want to hold you
I don't ever gonna need you
Don't you know
That thats all a lie..

plus nishte poze ce se imbina f frumos cu aceste cuvinte de mai sus...

[Titina]

k sa se shtie k n-are nici o legatura cu postul precedent,scriu in alt post k mi-am facut coditze lipite de cap....shi ma doare capu abia ashtept sa mi le dau jos...

[Titina]

Ce repede trece timpul….acu vreo 3-4 ani vroiam sa treaca cat mai repede,sa ajung la aceste momente de acum…shi uite ca am ajuns,dar tot timpul dorind altceva,dorind sa fiu cum voi fi peste un an…si tot asha….uneori nu realizezi ce se intampla,nu realizezi de ce iti doresti sa fii altfel.Ce ma bucur pentru niste prietene ce acu sunt in liceul unde eram io la varsta la care imi doream sa fiu ca acum… nu stiu de ce,dar parca simt ca trec si ele prin momentele prin care am trecut eu… si totusi nu regret ca a trecut asa de repede timpul,dar as vrea candva sa-mi retraiesc viata

[Titina]

azi se face un an de knd fumez….asta e…speram sa n-ajung sa zic asta,dar …. Continui sa sper ca n-o sa zic niciodata… “aku se fac 2 ani de knd fumez”…

de ce uneori iti doreshti cu ardoare sa fii ca cineva/ceva,shtiind totushi k ai o viata mai buna k acelei persoane shi k e mai bine cum eshti tu?Fiind conshtient de aceste lucruri,iti doreshti sa fii altfel.Oare ce te face sa vrei acest lucru,sa crezi k ti-ar fi mai bine dak n-ai fi k tine….tu nu poti iubi,chiar daca eshti iubit,pur shi simplu nu poti,chiar shtiind ca vrei….acea persoana poate,multe alte persoane pot,numai tu nu…iti dai seama ca poti trai astfel,dar nu vrei sa-ti iroseshti viata continuand in acest fel….cautand,uitandu-te la viata altora,observand ce simti k nu ai…..cu toate k ai mult mai multe ca multi altii….alte persoane vor sa fie k tine…dar nu,tu nu observi,tot vrei sa fii k ele.Pana ce reusheshti sa faci ceea ce face cineva pe kre urmareshti sau reusheshti sa ai ceva ce vrei de la acea persoana…apoi observi ce mare gresheala ai facut shi vrei sa te reintorci la ceea erai inainte…dar nu mai poti,nimeni nu te mai place acum,nimeni nu mai vrea sa fie k tine….deoarece tu nu mai eshti tu,nu mai eshti cea de dinainte,eshti exact ca cei ce vroiau sa fie k tine.Acel `tu` nu mai exista,a zburat undeva in trecut de unde nu-l mai poti intoarce.Unde ai ajuns oare?Iti mai dai seama?Poti reface totul de la inceput?Cu exceptia timpului pierdut cautand sa te despartzi de ceea ce te reprezenta candva,poti relua.E bine insa k ai realizat ca e mai bine sa fii tu,necautand prin viatza altora bucatzi de personalitate…neadunand aceste bucatzi ptr a face un nou `tu`.Acel `tu` pe care l-ai format nu are nimic special din ceea ce reprezentai candva.

[Titina]

“You’re beautiful…” so perfect words to tell someone,deep from your soul…

“You’re lovely,so beautiful…”

It realy makes you smile…

Our Lady Peace – Somewhere out there

Last time I talked to you
You were lonely and out of place
You were looking down on me
Lost out in space

Laying underneath the stars
Strung out and feeling great
Watch the red orange glow
Watch it float away

Down here in the atmosphere
Garbage and city lights
Gonna save you’re tired soul
You’re gonna save our lives
Turn on the radio to
Find you in satellite
I’m waiting for the sky to fall
I’m waiting for a sign

And all we are
Is all so far

You’re falling back to me
The star that I can see
I know you’re out there somewhere out there
You’re falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you’re out there
Somewhere out there

Hope you remember me
When you’re homesick and need a change
I miss you’re purple hair
I miss the way you taste
I know you’ll come back some day
On a bed of nails I wait
I’m praying that you don’t burn out
Or fade away

And all we are
Is all so far

You’re falling back to me
The star that I can see
I know you’re out there somewhere out there
You’re falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you’re out there
Somewhere out there

You’re falling back to me
The star that I can see
I know you’re out there


You’re falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you’re out there
Somewhere out there

You’re falling back to me
The star that I can see
I know you’re out there somewhere out there
You’re falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you’re out there
Somewhere out there

You’re falling back to me
I know, I know

You’re falling out of reach
I know





These lyrics make my heart smile...

[Titina]

cum poti mah sa simti in timp de doar kteva ore,atatea lukuri...ura...fericire...tristete...nimik...shi nimik...in total nimik...
stai aku cu o tigara in mana...incercand sa scriu ce aveam in kp f important shi-mi dau seama k nush kum sa ma exprim,nush cum sa scriu,nu-mi vin cuvintele...
kt am putut fuma azi...de nervi...shi observ kum ink-mi mai aprind tigara dupa tigara...neshtiind de ce....gandindu-ma la ceea ce simt...oare simt ceva?incerc sa dau vina pe mine...dar poate nu sunt eu de vina,poate problema e a celor din jur (k sa nu vb de o singura pers...)

de ce?

de ce atatea probleme?mici probleme....ce de fapt eu le numesc asha,fiindk nu shtiu eu ce e aia sa ai probleme,n-am avut niciodata probleme mari shi sper sa nu am in viitorul apropiat...

de ce atatea griji pe sufletul meu?gata,de azi ma schimb!VREAU,dar oare pot?am mai zis shi nu am reushit,de ce sa nu incerc sa las balta totul sa ma doara in kur de tot,de toti,fiindk nu merita...

sa mor io,de ce?? nu merita sa-mi fac griji!Nu merita atentzia mea,nu merita lacrimile shi okii mei trishti shi zambetul meu fals de akum...nimeni...dar totushi...eu sunt de vina,tot timpul ajung la aceasta concluzie...shi,sigur,nimeni kre ar citi asta nu shi-ar da seama despre ce vorbesc,dar nu conteaza...nu conteaza nimik,nici eu nu shtiu ce scriu shi ce ganduri incerc sa descifrez...

trying to fight it...trying to fight me and all of the people around me but when will it stop?When the fuck will I stop from this chasing and this fighting?Never?No,plz,I don't want to believe that my life is a fight with myself...

I want to write,but I don't think these feelings are real...I'm not real,I'm a fake...and still don't want to believe this,still want to stop this fight and this anger...Why am I so furious with me?Why do I hate myself,even if I show that I love myself more than anything in the world?

"Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like"

[Titina]

ok,i said the fight will end...the fight is ending now,but the other people don't let me end it... they think i won't survive ending it and they don't want to believe me i'll start a new me...
how can i prove them? nobody believes me....nobody believed something that i've ever said or felt...how can i prove them they're wrong?i'd do anything...

[Titina]

Your touch is like a miracle on my body,your kiss is like a dream too sweet to be true,and your eyes are like two stars in which you just fall...and fall...forgetting this world,dying in your arms..

You set me free,you found the key to my soul,you helped my heart to love...the fight ended,because of you,...
...I love you! And I miss you like death now....

[Titina]

Why is it everytime I try to make something go right,it goes wrong...well,first it seems to go right,but then I realise it's all wrong...
Tot timpul vreau ceea ce nu pot avea,ceea ce e mai greu de atins,de ce nu ma limitez la ceea ce am ? Chiar asha repede ma plictisesc de orice?
I want something (or someone,U never know... ) and I can't have it...I have all the other things,not this "something"...and now this is the only thing I want.When I'll have it,I won't want it anymore,so...why trying to have it?
That "something" is not for me...but I still want it,I want it really bad now...but just now...just now...soon it will end with this "something",i know..

[Titina]

Knd ma gandesc ca trebuie sa schimb o imagine totala despre mine,cuiva...sau macar sa incerc... voi putea oare?Voi putea repara greselile care le-am facut shi mai ales faptul ca multzi shtiu de ele? Am senzatzia ca este imposibil.Cand aud ce-am putut zice in trecut,cand imi aud cuvintele,pur shi simplu ma gandesc : oare eu in acele momente nu gandeam? Sau vroiam cu orice pretz sa-mi fac rau cu mana mea,shtiind ca intr-un tarziu o sa sufar...?
Viatza e rea,cu mine inca n-a fost rea,mi-a dat cam tot ce ar vrea majoritatea,dar eu n-am observat shi mi-am distrus-o eu...adica mi-am distrus imaginea shi in continuare uneori nu shtiu ce-i cu mine shi continui in prostie,cu distrugerea...
Ma dor unele lucruri,dar incerc sa trec cu vederea,crezand ca se vor schimba.Dar numai eu le pot schimba.
Simt ca nu merit...ceea ce vreau eu aku sa am...dar daca incerc sa ma schimb,poate voi merita...intr-un final...shi sper ca atunci sa nu vreau altceva decat ceea ce mi se pune pe tava,sa nu-mi doresc tot timpul altceva... (cum am cam facut pana aku)

[Titina]

Dear Diary....shtii kum e sa-ti spuna o pers. la kre tzii shi de kre ai senzatia k-ti place din ce in ce mai mult,k nu are incredere in tine?el nu te vede nici k o amica,dar tu il vezi mult mai mult de-atat...el nu shtie ce simti,nu shtie ca acea propozitie te afecteaza...oare daca ar shtii ar mai spune-o? "Nu am incredere in tine" ... cum suna...o replica ce-ti schimba toata starea,iti transforma tot zambetul fericita,intr-o secunda,in lacrimi...k apoi sa continue k n-are incredere in pers. pe kre nu le cunoashte bine shi cu care nu e apropiat...ce-mi doream sa nu fi spus asta,cred k nu voi mai avea zambet pe fatza un timp... de ce?De ce a zis-o?Suna asha trist,suna asha distant...chiar suntem asha straini?Poate ca da shi io am sperante desharte...

Poate ar trebui sa nu ma mai gandesc la el...acu 5 minute radeam,n-aveam nici o treaba,iar acum stau p ganduri...nemashtiind ce sa scriu,ce sa zik,ce sa simt..

ufff...sper ca nu intra pe acest forum...sper sa nu citeasca aceste randuri,sper sa nu afle ce simt...ma simt ca un copil neajutorat,fara arme impotriva celor care crede el k-i fac rau...asha m-am simtit shi knd am avut o reactie km...idioata...eh,intr-un fel,knd am citit replicile lui...

[Titina]

Everyone has an inner light, but generally we don’t see it or we don’t want to…
Will someone see mine?
Uneori nu ne dam seama,dar ochii celor din jur cauta aceasta lumina iar noi o intunecam prin ceea ce facem sau spunem.Patam lumina aceasta inocenta prin multe lucruri.A mea oare cat de patata e?E rau cand ai vrea sa o cureti si iti dai seama ca nu mai poti,decat poate cu ajutorul cuiva…ajutorul cuiva,care nu apare,poate nici nu exista.
Cauti ceva ce nu gasesti,cauti sa-ti fie observata lumina din interior,dar oare exista persoana care s-o vada? Nu cred,nu cred ca poti gasi ceea ce cauti,fiindca alungi de fiecare data acea persoana…de ce? De ce uneori simti ca n-ar trebui sa faci ceva si totusi faci…nu ar trebui sa alungi ceea ce ti se da si totusi o faci.
Exista oare masochism psihic? Exista o furie ce nu vrei s-o descarci pe cei din jur si neavand pe cine s-o arunci,te razbuni pe tine…pentru ce? Cu ce simti uneori ca ai gresit,incat sa vrei sa te pedepsesti alungand lumina ta interioara,nelasand pe nimeni sa ajunga la ea,s-o faca sa straluceasca din nou?Stralucesti numai in tine,celorlalti le arati numai partea rea a ta,ii faci sa creada ca prin ochii tai sufletul nu spune nimic.Si stii ca nu e bine si totusi o faci…ii lasi pe cei din jur sa creada ca te cunosc,dar de fapt nu stiu nimic despre tine,nu stiu mai mult decat imaginea ta.Cealalta latura a ta e inchisa cu un lacat la care in curand s-ar putea sa se piarda cheia…
Si totusi…ti-e bine asa,dar te intrebi cand oare va reusi cineva sa patrunda in latura ta naturala si necontrolata de imagine.Dar oare vei lasa pe cineva sa descopere totul?Ti-e frica si nu vei lasa…

[Titina]

Uneori cand vad cat de mult pare ca tzin unele persoane la cineva...shi cat de rau se ajunge sau se poate ajunge dup-aia daca acel cineva nu simte acelashi lucru...ma bucur de faptul ca n-am iubit pana acum shi ca m-am ferit intr-un fel de aceste sentimente prea mari care te fac foarte vulnerabil.E ca si cand ti-ai decoji tot sufletul, pentru a-l faramitza shi apoi a arunca in aer toate bucatzile din ceea ce insemni tu. Acele partzi din sufletul tau ce vor zbura spre lume sunt mai importante ca orice persoana catre care te dezvalui, careia-i dai pe tava partea cea mai stralucitoare din tine.
Nu vad rostul sa suferi, tinand la cineva, sa suferi, cand tu de fapt vroiai ca acea persoana sa te faca fericita...mai bine ramai fericita singura, n-ai nevoie de nimeni te completeze, nu esti un puzzle dezmembrat.
E chiar asha mare nevoie sa tii la cineva, amagindu-te ca acel cineva tine shi el la tine?NU...n-are rost!Chiar daca vrei sa tii la el, eshti mai importanta ca el, merita el sa-i dai o parte din sufletul tau? NU

[Titina]

Why everything you want to make you happy and to set you free starts going weird and...sad..i don't know if "wrong", but, just not like you wanted to be...
Love starts beeing boring, people are all the same, you're the same too...you're sad now, tomorrow you'll pretend you're happy, then again sad...and then you'll stop feeling anything.

I just want this "so fucking weird" moment to go away...wait, time will save you...

[Titina]

Life's such a bitch, and people are just like life...

Sometimes you realy want your life to be perfect...but there's no perfect.Perfect feels so simple and beautiful...and pure.But there is no beautiful, simple, or pure, neither.It's only in our imagination...maybe one day you'll wake up and realise that you were in your imagination too. What would you do if your life turns to be nothing?
Nobody can prove that we live something real, all this "beautiful" perfection is just a sparkling star in our minds, where we want to get to.And we try, but when we reach this star, it simply stops sparkling...and is this the only thing we fight for? "Perfect life"? "Perfect love"? There is no fucking love, it's, again, your imagination. Maybe if you don't believe in all this stuff you won't get dissapointed by anything.The only one in which you have to believe is yourself, and pray you won't dissapoint yourself...
And I'm so happy I never dissapointed myself!

"Lie to me, say that you need me
That's what I wanna hear
That is what, what makes me happy
Hoping you'll be near
All this time, how could I know
Within these walls, I can feel you

Another day goes by, will never know just wonder why
You made me feel good, made me smile
I see it now, and I, can say it's gone
That would be a lie
Cannot control this, this thing called love

You must think, how can this be
You don't really know me
I can't tell, this ain't the time
You'll never be mine
What can I say, something 'bout my life
I just lost again

Another day goes by, will never know just wonder why
You made me feel good, made me smile
I see it now, and I, can say it's gone
That would be a lie
Cannot control this, this thing called love

Always have to move on,
To leave it all behind
Go along with time

Another day goes by, will never know just wonder why
You made me feel good, made me smile
I see it now, and I, can say it's gone
That would be a lie"

(Lene Marlin - Another day)

[Titina]

They all say love sets you free...no, love, while it exists, keeps you locked in a cage.And it's so painfull, when you think you love more than love loves you...and there's another side of love, when it wants to love you and tries to "set you free", but you don't let it step in your cage.
Yeah, I think I'm starting to hate my heart and punish it for trying to feel something like this. Should I let it do what it wants...? Or in the end love will show another face and make me throw it away...far away, so it won't touch me again with it's sweet poison...

"Are you afraid of beeing alone?'Cause I am, I'm lost without you" (Blink 182 - Lost without you)

[Titina]

Trebuie sa pun versurile astea aici, imi plac prea mult shi imi aduc aminte de nishte momente de ieri bine k acea pers. nu intra pe forum, deci n-o sa observe cat de :L ma simt aku, da` deh.... These lyrics make me happy.

Savage Garden - Truly,madly,deeply

I'll be your dream :L
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love :L
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.
Chorus

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me... :L
Verse 2

And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..

I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me... :L

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream :L
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love :L
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...

[Titina]

Tears make eyes shine
Pray you'll be mine
No,I'm not fine
But you don't know
You'll never know
How sweet is your kiss
How now I miss
Smiling 'cause of you...

"In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside"
(Mandy Moore - Cry)

[Titina]

Let me love the wind blowing through my hair
Let me kiss the cold rain running on my face
Let me warm myself when the sun lights us
Touch a snowflake while it dissapears
And love everything that's around you
I promise it will turn back your love
'Cause the wind reborns your soul's perfection
Rain will wash all your broken mistakes
Sun brings back joy in your heart
And a snowflake will frozen your sadness...
Smile even when you're sad and lost
And everything's gonna smile back to you
Love even when love hates you
And hate will be gone forever
Give your eyes a chance to be happy
Even if your soul is still bleeding.

[Titina]

Kiss my lips goodbye
Hold my hand forever
Just don't look in the eye
You'll see how I'll never
Accept feeling something
Bite my lip so I'm hurt
Make me say anything
That's not boring anymore.

Kill me
I'll be happy
'Cause I was hurt by your hands.

Find pleasure in pain
Smile while someone scratches you
Close your eyes when someone bites you
Just feel anything that touches you.

[Titina]

Close your eyes forever and pray someone will keep them dead
Shut your mouth, so no one can ever unlock it again
Kill your senses, 'cause there's no longer reason to feel anything
Cut that heart full of blood, let it escape to nowhere
Feel free to imagine what can happen to you outside this material world...
And meet your sweet poisoned other side of you
She's more friendly to you than you have ever thought , right?
Her true cut, painful mouth is not a fake like the plastic, cute one you've seen since now
Her red, terrifying eyes looking at you are more powerful than the ones you had before...
She smiles...she wants you to give her your fake beauty
The perfect look,
Perfect huge smile,
Lovely sparkling eyes,
Laughing heart,
But there's only one thing she can give you instead...
Her soul.
You can't even see it, am I right? So you think...
Your truly shining plastic beauty is more important than a loving soul...
Think again before you say that...you're all wrong...
The fake beauty hates you, the soul will always be your best friend
So learn to see and transform beauty from the ugliness that wants you to accept it...

[Titina]

Nobody is obligated to love you
So when your head explodes of hurting and your eyes get drunk of tears
Think that this is nature…nobody loves nobody…
Nobody accepts nobody… we live fighting between us



We're all nobody

[Titina]

"Hold up... hold on... don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile... Shine on... Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm.

Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up... Come on... why you scared
You'll never change what been and gone"

(Oasis - Stop crying your heart out)

..........................................

Let it ran to wash your past
Let it snow to freeze your future
Let the sun light love in your present
And don't be afraid to live it.