Texte pentru plictiseala (bancuri)

Texte pentru plictiseala (bancuri)

Mesajde yoy » Dum Noi 21, 2004 6:00 pm

Intr-un mare moment de boringeala deplina ....va scriu ca un poet adica va copy/paste :D
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yoy
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Mesajde yoy » Dum Noi 21, 2004 6:14 pm

3 Little Pigs - The Untold Story

This is classic - a true story, proving how fascinating is the mind of a six year old. They think so logically. A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying To gather the building materials for his home. She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class: " And what do you think the man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said very matter of factly "I think the man would have said: "FUCK ME DEAD - A TALKING PIG !!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

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> Cele 7 minuni ale comunismului...
>
> 1.Toata lumea avea de lucru.
>
> 2.Desi toata lumea avea de lucru, nimeni nu muncea.
>
> 3.Desi nimeni nu muncea, planul se facea peste 100%.
>
> 4.Desi planul se facea peste 100%, nu puteai cumpara
> nimic.
> 5.Desi nu gaseai nimic de cumparat, toata lumea avea
> de toate.
> 6.Desi toata lumea avea de toate, toti furau.
>
> 7.Desi toti furau, niciodata nu lipsea nimic.

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Patru concurentzi la o examinare orala:

Primul:

- va rugam sa ne spunetzi, care ar fi dupa parerea
dvs. cel mai rapid lucru din lume....

- pai... eu cred ca cel mai rapid lucru din lume e
gandul..

- cum asha??!!!

- pai te gandeshti la cineva shi nici nu-tzi dai
seama cand o faci...

- asta asha este.. avetzi dreptate.. o sa tzinem
cont de parerea dvs.

Al doilea:

- va rugam sa ne spunetzi, care ar fi dupa parerea
dvs. cel mai rapid lucru din lume....

- pai eu ash zice ca .... clipitul e cel mai
rapid...

- de ce anume???

- pai nici nu-tzi dai seama cand clipeshti, atat de
rapid e...

- da.. interesant.. apreciem contributzia dvs..

Al treilea:

- spunetzi-ne, va rugam, care ar fi dupa parerea
vs. cel mai rapid lucru din lume....

- dom'le.. eu sunt de parere ca lumina este cel mai
rapid lucru..

- putetzi explica??..

- da.. pai, cum apeshi pe intrerupator cum se umple
toata camera de
lumina.. adica e ceva foarte rapid.. nici nu-tzi
dai seama..

- da.. foarte interesant.. va multzumim..

Al patrulea:

- ne putetzi spune, care consideratzi ca e cel mai
rapid lucru din lume????

- pai cum sa va spun eu... dupa parerea mea,
diareea e cel mai rapid lucru..

- !!!?????? (consternare)

- pai domnilor... aseara m-am cacat pe mine shi
n-am avut timp nici sa ma
gandesc, nici sa clipesc shi nici sa aprind
lumina......

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cod penal medieval :

"Velcare au velcine va indrazni a se napusti asupra tinerelor fete cu
shtrumeleagul invartoshat, predepsit va fi de lege prin taierea
scarbavnicului madular si aruncarea lui la retze"

(Lege moldoveneasca - Stefan cel Mare)
:eek:

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> O dieta echilibrata inseamna cate o prajitura in fiecare mana.
>
> Nu lua niciodata un somnifer si un laxativ in aceeasi seara.
>
> Judecata buna vine in urma experientelor rele, iar acestea vin in urma
> judecatii rele.
>
> Greutatea normala: nu trebuie sa cantaresti mai mult decat frigiderul
> tau.
>
> Nu te ingrijora de ceea ce gandesc oamenii - nu li se intampla prea
> des.
>
> Mersul la biserica nu te face credincios, asa cum statul intr-un garaj
> nu te face masina...
>
> Este mai usor sa obtii iertarea decat permisiunea.
>
> Constinta este ceea ce sufera atunci cand restul partilor fiintei tale
> se simt atat de bine.
>
> Daca trebuie sa alegi intre doua rele - alege-l pe cel pe care nu l-ai
> mai incercat pana atunci.
>
> Nu testa niciodata adancimea apei cu ambele picioare.
>
> Experienta este un lucru minunat: iti permite sa recunosti o greseala
> atunci cand o repeti.
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Mesajde yoy » Dum Noi 21, 2004 6:32 pm

CULMI :

> > Culmea geloziei: Sa fii gelos pe soare ca iti arde
> > nevasta

> > Culmea masturbarii: Sa torni putin Cilit ca sa nu
> > mai trebuiasca sa freci deloc
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH CEA MAI TARE

> > Culmea casniciei: Sa stai la rand, sa-ti regulezi
> > nevasta
> > Culmea culmi casniciei: Sa-ti sara randul

> > Culmea pescuitului: sa pui scrum de tigara in ac si
> > sa prinzi peste afumat

> > Culmea culmilor: Mutul ii spune surdului ca orbul
> > se uita la ei

> > Culmea zgarceniei: Sa speli hartia igienica si sa o
> > pui la uscat!

> > Culmea speologiei: Penisul sa aiba claustrofobie =))


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Cum se roaga oamenii din fiecare zodie...

Berbec: Doamne Dumnezeule, te rog sa imi dai si mie rabdare... si poti sa faci asta chiar acum?

Taur: Doamne Dumnezeule, ajuta-ma sa accept schimbarea, dar nu prea repede...

Gemeni: Doamne Dumnezeule, te rog sa... dar... Cine este Dumnezeu? Unde este Dumnezeu? De ce este Dumnezeu? Cum arata? Ce face? Cum face? Ce spune?

Rac: Doamne Dumnezeuleee !!!

Leu: Da, Doamne, ce mai faci? (o atitudine de egalitate ca aceasta nu mai gasiti nicaieri!)

Fecioara: Doamne Dumnezeule, te rog sa ne faci perfecti, dar sa nu o dai in bara asa cum ai facut ultima oara...

Balanta: Doamne Dumnezeule, te rog ajuta-ma sa pot lua decizii, dar pe de alta parte, tu ce crezi ca ar fi mai bine?

Scorpion: Doamne Dumnezeule, iarta-ne datoriile asa cum si noi iertam datornicilor nostri, chiar daca nemernicii nu prea o merita!

Sagetator: Doamne Dumnezeule, ti-am spus o data, ti-am spus de un milion de ori, ajuta-ma sa nu mai exagerez atat!

Capricorn: Doamne Dumnezeule, as vrea sa te rog sa ma ajuti, chiar daca am invatat de mult sa nu ma bazez pe altii...

Varsator: Doamne Dumnezeule, stii ca imi place schimbarea, dar haosul asta e ridicol!

Pesti: Doamne Dumnezeule, daca tot o sa beau toata sticla asta de Scotch diseara, te rog sa folosesti aceasta imbarbatare pentru a prinde curaj sa te cinstesc!

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DATING RITUALS

WHITE WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later: her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?
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De-ar fi stiut ei atunci ...

> "Calculatoarele viitorului ar putea cantari nu mai mult de 1,5 tone."
--Popular Mechanics prognozand nemilosul progres al stiintei, 1949
>
>
> "Cred ca exista o piata mondiala pentru poate cinci calculatoare."
--Thomas Watson, presedintele IBM, 1943
>
>
> "Am calatorit de-a lungul si de-a latul tarii asteia si am vorbit cu
cei
mai buni oameni si pot sa va asigur ca procesarea datelor este o furie care nu va rezista pana la sfarsitul anului." --Editorul responsabil cu cartile de afaceri la Salonul de Inventii, 1957
>
>
> "Dar... la ce e bun?"
> --Un inginer de la Divizia Sistemelor Computerizate Avansate ale IBM,
1968, comentand pe marginea microcipului.
>
>
> "Nu exista vreun motiv pentru care cineva ar vrea un calculator in
casa
lui." --Ken Olson, presedinte fondator al Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
>
>
> "Acest 'telefon' are prea multe lipsuri pentru a fi considerat in mod
serios un mijloc de comunicatii. Dispozitivul nu are in principiu valoare pentru noi."
> -- Comunicat al Western Union, 1876.
>
>
> "Aceasta cutie muzicala fara fir nu are vreo valoare comeciala
imaginabila. Cine ar plati pentru un mesaj trimis nimanui anume?" --Asociatii lui David Sarnoff raspunzand solicitarilor pentru a investi in radio in anii 1920
>
>
> "Conceptul e interesant si bine pus la punct, dar pentru a obtine mai
mult decat nota 7 ideea trebuie sa fie realizabila." --Un profesor de management de la Universitatea Yale raspunzand hartiilor lui Fred Smith care propunea un serviciu de livrare peste noapte de incredere. (Smith a fondat ulterior Federal Express Corp.)
>
>
> "Cine dracu' vrea sa auda actorii vorbind?"
> --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
>
>
> "Sunt doar bucuros ca va fi Clark Gable care o sa moara de necaz si nu
Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper pe marginea deciziei de a nu accepta rolul principal in filmul "Pe aripile vantului"
>
>
> "Nu ne place sunetul lor, iar chitarile nu mai sunt la moda." --Decca
Recording Co. respingandu-i pe The Beatles, 1962.
>
>
> "Masini zburatoare mai grele decat aerul sunt imposibile." --Lord
Kelvin,
presedintele Societatii Regale, 1895.
>
>
> "Asa ca ne-am dus la Atari si am spus 'Mai, noi avem o chestie
extraordinara facuta chiar cu cateva din piesele voastre, ce-ati zice daca ne-ati asigura fondurile? Sau daca nu, oricum vi-l dam. Vrem doar s-o facem . Platiti-ne salariul, venim sa lucram pentru voi.' Si au zis nu. Si atunci ne-am dus la Hewlett Packard care au zis 'Mai, n-avem nevoie de voi. N-ati terminat colegiul inca.'" --Fondatorul Apple Computer Inc., Steve Jobs, in incercarea de a atrage atentia lui Atari and HP asupra calculatorului personal al lui si al lui Steve Wozniak.
>
>
> "Profesorul Goddard nu cunoaste relatia dintre actiune si reactiune si
nici nevoia de avea ceva mai bun decat un aspirator impotriva caruia sa reactionezi. Se pare ca ii lipsesc cunostintele elementare predate zilnic la liceu." --Editorial din 1921 al ziarului New York Times despre revolutionarele idei ale lui Robert Goddard in legatura cu rachetele.
>
>
> "Sa foram pentru petrol? Adica sa foram in pamant pentru a gasi
petrol?
Esti nebun!" --Foratorii pe care Edwin L. Drake a incercat sa ii angajeze pentru a fora pentru petrol in 1859.
>
>
> "Avioanele sunt jucarii interesante dar fara valoare militara."
--Maresalul Ferdinand Foch, profesor de strategie, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
>
>
> "Tot ceea ce se poate inventa s-a inventat."
> --Charles H. Duell, membru al Salonului de Inventii al S.U.A., 1899.
>
>
> "Teoria lui Louis Pasteur cu bacteriile este ridicola fictiune."
--Pierre
Pachet, profesor de fiziologie la Toulouse, 1872
>
>
> "640 KB ar trebui sa fie de ajuns pentru toata lumea."
> -- Bill Gates, 1981

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Mesajde yoy » Dum Noi 21, 2004 6:45 pm

Definitii :

> ARHITECT = cineva care n-a fost destul de 'macho' ca sa devina inginer,
dar nici destul de 'homo' ca sa se faca designer vestimentar.
>
> BANCHER = cineva care iti imprumuta umbrela lui cand afara e soare
si apoi ti-o cere inapoi cand incepe sa ploua.
>
> BOY SCOUT = un copil imbracat ca un tampit sub comanda unui tampit
imbracat ca un copil.
>
> CONSULTANT = cineva care foloseste ceasul sotiei tale, iti spune cat
e ceasul si apoi iti cere bani pentru asta.
>
> DIPLOMAT = cineva care-ti spune sa te duci dracului intr-un fel care
te face sa-ti incepi ziua cu dreptul.
>
> ECONOMIST = un expert care va sti maine de ce ceea ce a prezis ca se
va intampla ieri nu s-a intamplat azi.
>
> PRIETEN = definitia unei persoane de sex opus care are acel 'Nu
stiu-ce' care elimina orice dorinta de a incerca vreodata sa te culci cu el/ea.
>
> PESIMIST = un optimist cu experienta.
>
> PROGRAMATOR = cineva care rezolva o problema pe care nu stiai ca o ai
> intr-un fel pe care nu-l intelegi.
>
> PSIHOLOG = cineva care se uita la oricine altcineva cand o femeie
frumoasa intra in incapere.
>
> STATISTICIAN = cineva care e bun la cifre dar nu are pic de
personalitate ca sa fie inginer.
>
> PREOT = cineva caruia toti ii spun 'parinte', in afara de copiii lui,
care ii spun 'unchi'.
>
> DRAGOSTE (LOVE) = cuvant din 4 litere, 2 vocale, 2 consoane si 2
idioti.
>
> DANS = Frustrarea verticala a unei dorinte orizontale.
>
> DURERE DE CAP = metoda contraceptiva cea mai des folosita de femei.
>
> INTELECTUAL = cineva capabil sa se gandeasca mai mult de 2 ore si la
altceva decat la sex.
>
> NANOSECUNDA = fractiune de timp intre momentul in care lumina devine
verde si masina din spate te buseste.
>
> NIMFOMAN = termen aplicat de fiecare barbat oricarei femei careia ii
place mai mult sexul decat lui.
>
> MUNCA IN ECHIPA = posibilitatea de a da vina pe altii.
>
> INTERVIU = ceva ce poate fi vazut intre picioarele celei
intervievate.
>
> USOR = termen aplicat oricarei femei care are aceeasi morala sexuala
ca a unui barbat.
>
> FOTBAL = ceva cu care toate femeile s-au maritat fara sa stie.
>
> HARDWARE = partea uni calculator pe care o lovesti cand apar probleme
de software.
>
> NERABDARE = a astepta grabit.
>
> INDIFERENTA = atitudine adoptata de o femeie catre un barbat care n-o
> intereseaza; interpretata de barbat ca 'se da greu de cucerit'.
>
> INFLATIE = a trebui sa platesti preturile de la anul cu salariul de
anul trecut.
>
> FIZICA CUANTICA = un negru, se uita in penumbra dupa o pisica neagra
care nu e acolo...

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HER DIARY

Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.

I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY

Today the Yankees lost, but at least I got laid.

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You are the President of the United States, and NASA tells you that a large meteor is heading straight for Earth and it will strike France at 2:00 a.m, One month from today. France calls and begs you to use your entire arsenal of missiles & warheads to save them. You know that by doing this it will take away from the war efforts in Iraq and hurt the war on terrorism. If you don't do it France is toast.
HERE IS YOUR DILEMMA:

Do you stay up and watch it live, or tape it and watch it in the morning???
=))
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Five Jews change the way we see the world

Moses: "Law is everything"
Jesus: "Love is everything"
Marx: "Money is everything"
Freud: "Sex is everything"
Einstein: "Everything is relative"
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> > > Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
> > > Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop? Waiter :
> > > Can't you tell the difference by taste? Customer : No, I can't.
> > > Waiter : Then does it really matter?
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup. Waiter : Yes
> > > Sir, they are not very good swimmers.
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
> > > Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup. Waiter : So
> > > what! do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
> > >
> > > Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > >
> > > Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
> > > Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
> > > Waiter : Funny? But why aren't you laughing?
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
> > > Father : No. Why do you ask that?
> > > Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one
> >
> > is green and
> >
> > > one is blue with red spots!
> > > Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
at
> > > home.
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > Wife : Do you want dinner?
> > > Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
> > > Wife : Yes and no.
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!! "
> > > Second Guy : "You're fortunate, mine's still alive."
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
> > > commotion in
> > > the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and
shouted,
> > > "Order,
> > > order." The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you,your
> >
> > honour, I'll
> >
> > > have a
> > > scotch and soda."
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
> > > 'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.' 'How
> > > long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist. 'How long
> > > has what been going on?' said the man.
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the
window!
> > > 2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
> > > 1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
> > >
> > > Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > >
> > > Man : How old is your father?
> > > Boy : As old as me.
> > > Man : How can that be?
> > > Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in
the
> > > field"
> > > Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field Teacher : How?
> > > Student : Ladies first.
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > A lady went to a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup. Lady :
> > > Waiter, what is this soup called? Waiter : It is called special
> > > chicken soup. Lady : But I see no chicken in it!
> > > Waiter : That's why it's so special!
> > >
> > > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > > Question : Why did you throw the butter out of the window ? Answer
> > > : I wanted to see a butterfly.

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yoy
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Mesajde yoy » Dum Noi 21, 2004 6:47 pm

ZIUA UNUI PESIMIST

Se trezeste unul de dimineata din cauza unor
bubuituri: se crapa de ziua. O cauta pe nevasta-sa
in pat si n-o gaseste: o furase somnul. Se duce la
baie si se uita in oglinda, dar oglinda se face
tandari: aruncase o privire. Se uita intr-un ciob
de oglinda si se vede tot taiat pe fata: il taia o
pisare. Pleaca la serviciu si pe drum vede doua
tipuri de oameni: unii care scadeau in inaltime (pe
aia ii rodeau pantofii) si altii care dispareau pur
si simplu (pe aia ii fura peisajul). Ajunge la
servici si isi vede toti colegii lipiti de tavan:
purtau discutii la nivel inalt. La un moment dat se
dezlipesc si cad toti de-odata: cazusera de comun
acord. Se enerveaza si pleaca de la servici.
Pe drum, il vede pe unul lipit de asfalt si vreo
doi care trageau de el sa-l dezlipeasca: era sarac
lipit pamantului. Mai incolo il vede pe unul caruia
ii cadeau urechile, nasul, ochii: era putred de
bogat. Se hotaraste sa se sinucida si se arunca de
pe un pod in apa; apele se dau la o parte si cade pe
uscat: nu era in apele lui.
Dupa aceea se hotaraste sa se imbete; merge intr-un
bar, dar intra cu capul taiat in doua: facuse cum il
taiase capul. Mai apoi se aude o bubuitura: cazuse
seara.

.......to be continued ....gtg
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yoy
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Mesajde kshu » Dum Noi 21, 2004 9:13 pm

Holly shit dar ai copy/paste ceva nu gluma. Eu sunt pe la DATING RITUALS, continui later :). A fost fun so far.
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Membru din: Lun Mar 11, 2002 12:00 am

Mesajde yoy » Dum Noi 21, 2004 9:28 pm

...am citit de vreo 5 ori mai mult decat am postat.....am postat ce era mai funny , si mai am inca de vreo 5 ori mai mult din tot ceea ce am citit ....adica-s pe la litera 'f' :D
.....ce face plictiseala din om ...
...fara text inteligent
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yoy
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Mesajde Opa-Opa » Dum Noi 21, 2004 9:39 pm

daca tot te plictiseai era fain sa le si aranjezi putin

un ochi imi rade de poante si altu imi plange de "organizare"
"I can't circle/strafe jump for shit but I can blast myself in a general direction with a RL" - DarkNation
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Opa-Opa
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Mesajde kshu » Dum Noi 21, 2004 10:18 pm

Le-am citit pe toate, chiar ca trece timpu :).
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Mesajde yoy » Dum Noi 21, 2004 10:45 pm

A GoodNight Story

Q Daddy why did we have to attack Iraq?

A Because they had weapons of mass destruction, son.

Q But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.

A That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q And that's why we invaded Iraq?

A Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q But after we invaded them we STILL didn't find any weapons of
mass destruction, did we?

A That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll
find something, probably right before the 2004 election.

Q Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?

A To use them in a war, silly.

Q I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to
use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?

A Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves

Q That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if
they had all those big weapons to fight us back with?

A It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense

Q I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
weapons our government said they did

A Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

Q And what was that?

A Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam
Hussein was a cruel dictator which is another good reason to invade another country.

Q Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
country?

A Well, for one thing he tortured his own people

Q Kind of like what they do in China?

A Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
competitor where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make US corporations richer

Q So if a country lets its people be exploited for American
corporate gain, it's a good country even if that country tortures people?

A Right

Q Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

A For political crimes mostly, like criticizing the government.
People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured

Q Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

A I told you China is different.

Q What's the difference between China and Iraq?

A Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while
China is Communist.

Q Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

A No, just Cuban Communists are bad

Q How are the Cuban Communists bad?

A Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba
are sent to prison and tortured

Q Like in Iraq?

A Exactly

Q And like in China, too?

A I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the
other hand, is not

Q How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

A Well, you see, back in the early 1960s our government passed
some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.

Q But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
started doing business with them wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?

A Don't be a smart-ass

Q I didn't think I was being one

A Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba

Q Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?

A I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam
Hussein came to power through a military coup so he's not really a legitimate leader anyway

Q What's a military coup?

A That's when a military general takes over the government of a
country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States

Q Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?

A You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh yeah he did, but Pakistan
is our friend

Q Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

A I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate

Q Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by
forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?

A Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
helped us invade Afghanistan

Q Why did we invade Afghanistan?

A Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

A Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them Saudi
Arabians hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.

Q So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

A Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
rule of the Taliban.

Q Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off
people's heads and hands?

A Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off
people's heads and hands but they oppressed women, too

Q Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million
dollars back in May of 2001?

A Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
fighting drugs

Q Fighting drugs?

A Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from
growing opium poppies.

Q How did they do such a good job?

A Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban
would have their hands and heads cut off

Q So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for other reasons?

A Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off
people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.

Q Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?

A That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical
patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.

Q Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?

A No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
Q What's the difference?

A The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest
yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers

Q It sounds like the same thing with a different name.

A Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis
are
our friends

Q But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th
were from Saudi Arabia

A Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan

Q Who trained them?

A A very bad man named Osama bin Laden

Q Was he from Afghanistan?

A Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a
very bad man.

Q I seem to recall he was our friend once

A Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet
invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s

Q Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald
Reagan talked about?

A There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now

Q So the Soviets, I mean the Russians, are now our friends?

A Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years
after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.

Q So the French and Germans are evil, too?

A Not exactly evil but just bad enough that we had to rename
French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast

Q Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do
what we want them to do?

A No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade

Q But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?

A Well, yeah. For a while

Q Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

A Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him
our friend, temporarily

Q Why did that make him our friend?

A Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

A Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we
looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.

Q So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
becomes our friend?

A Most of the time, yes

Q And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically
an enemy?

A Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.

Q Why?

A Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless unAmerican Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?

Q I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A Yes

Q But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells
him what to do

Q So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
George W Bush hears voices in his head?

A Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your
eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

Good night, Daddy...
...fara text inteligent
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Mesajde yoy » Dum Noi 21, 2004 11:00 pm

la postul trecut am stat 14 min sa-l aranjez....am scos ":" dupa fiecare A si Q pentru ca erau prea multe caractere ...dar nu a fost de ajuns si a trebuit sa mai scot si "." (punctele) dupa propozitii/fraze .....unde era cazul ...dar tot nu era de ajuns ...asa ca am stat si am luat textul si am scos virgule de pe unde se putea... dar tot mai trebuiau scoase vreo 20 de caractere...asa ca a trebuit sa aranjez frumos textul si sa sterg spatiile libere...erau si spatii libere care evident ca erau considerante ca fiind caractere ...sunt mandru de munca mea :P

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the middle of a gynaecologists conference, an English and a French
gynaecologist are discussing various interesting cases they have recently treated.

French gynaecologist : "Only last week, zer was zis woman ooh came
to see me, and 'er cleetoris .......et was like a melon".

English gynaecologist : "Don't be absurd my good man, it could not
possibly have been that big, the poor woman wouldn't have been able to walk if it was".

French gynaecologist : "O la la, you eengleesh, zer you go again,
always talkeeng about ze size... I was talkeeng about ze taste..

melon=pepene galben ( nu stiam:) )

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saptamana trecuta eram impreuna cu niste amici.Discutam despre una despre alta,cand unul din noi:"Hei am citit undeva ca ar fi hormoni feminini in bere!" Avand in vedere ca suntem dotati cu un oarecare spirit stiintific am decis sa verificam. Rezultatul acestei experiente a fost stupefiant:
Dupa 20 de doze:
1.Toti am prins ceva greutate in plus;
2.Vorbeam prea mult fara sa spunem nimic;
3.Am intampinat dificultati in a conduce;
4.Ne era imposibil sa efectuam chiar cel mai simplu rationament;
5.Refuzam cu incapatanare sa recunoastem ca nu avem dreptate,chiar dc e evident;
6.Ca sa fie complet,mergeam la toaleta la fiecare 5 min,si in plus impreuna!

Cred ca e inutil sa mai experimentam acest subiect.
E clar berea contine hormoni feminini.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them !"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20 !!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29 !" says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening.
"I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them !"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog !"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Iubirea,

As vrea sa fiu un hacker sa-ti definesc structura In functii recursive cu call-ul permanent, Dar pointerii cu care te-a inzestrat natura Nu vor incape vesnic intre begin si end.

For i egal cu 1 la infinit, iubito
Sa-mi fii un goto tandru as indrazni sa-ti cer, M-ai inselat cu Mao, m-ai inselat cu Tito Dar nu imi vine inca sa te declar ca share.

While inca mi-esti aproape in candida-ti rutina Si doar un comentariu imi mai permit sa rup, Iti caut procedura in orisice vecina, Si-ti vad asemuirea in orisicare loop.

Te-as fi iubit in bucla si fara vreun contor, Te-as fi iubit prin modem, legat la Internet, Te-as fi iubit cu while-uri, te-as fi iubit cu for Dar tu, necredincioaso, ai apasat reset.

Te-ai dus in alt registru si ai schimbat projectul, Ai returnat un "unu" c-un alt operator, Credeam ca-s prototipul, n-ai vrut decat obiectul, Si doar din intersectii nu pot sa ma inXor.

Mi-am directat amorul direct la imprimanta (dar fraier, la consola nu i-am mai dat ecou) Caci te-am crezut integer si tu erai flotanta Mi-ai dat un flush pe input si m-ai lasat tablou.

Mai do din nou apelul si scoate-ma din stiva Ca bietul parametru mi-a ruginit candriu, Invoca-mi inc-odata structura aditiva, Ca daca dai eroare, sa stii ca te rescriu

hahahahhhaha tare asta
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...fara text inteligent
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Mesajde Hawkeye » Lun Noi 22, 2004 1:04 am

Man u are declared a total, undesputed, unimaginable nut:P- hard on the outside smooth and a little bit empty on the inside:D
If u wana dance?
Dance by my beat
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Mesajde nodingat » Lun Noi 22, 2004 1:11 am

sunt tari yoy, şi pe majortatea nu le ştiam... trebuia să le postezi [url=/www.fanclub.ro/showthread.php?t=9343]aici[/url], pt mai multa lume! :)
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Mesajde [stryder] » Lun Noi 22, 2004 10:17 am

ahahahah, la culmea pescuitului mi-au explodat ficatii de ras..bwhaahahahhahaah

gg :D
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Mesajde eXtazy » Lun Noi 22, 2004 10:58 am

Un cioban sta la ocazie... langa el opreste unu cu un CL55 AMG.
Ciobanu: Noo, ma iei si pe mine pana aci in sat?
Soferu: Nu.
C: Pai.. di ce-ai oprit.
S: Pai... ca sa-mi bat joc de tine. Nu te vezi? Putzi, esti murdar, cum mm sa te iau fraiere.
C: Beeei, iti dau 15000 $ sa ma duci pana in sat acasa.
S: hmm.... ok, hai inauntru.
Se urca ciobanu in spate si in timp ce statea relaxat asa, soferu isi aprinde o havana.
C: Ba druga, ia aprinde-mi si mie una de-aia.
S: Dute-n pm ciobane, dupa ce ca te iau la ocazie, imi ceri si tigari?
C: Fraiere... iti dau 5000 $ pe o tigare de-aia...
S: Hmm... (ii aprinde havana, i-o intinde) ia d-aci.
Dupa vro 5 minute:
C: Bei druga... pentru 30000 $... nu mi-ai suje o leaca si p***?
Soferu se gandeste... nu il cunoaste nimeni p-acolo, 30000 $ e mult a draq... Ce naiba, se apuca sa il satisfaca pe cioban la greu asa. Dupa vro 10 minute, cum statea ciobanu pe spate relaxat asa... zice:
Beeei, sa moara mama, in viatza mea n-am avut atatea datorii... :O
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Mesajde yoy » Lun Noi 22, 2004 3:55 pm

Husband : (returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I am now logged in."
Wife : Have your brought the ring?
Husband : Bad Command or File Name
Wife : But I told you in the morning
Husband : Erroneous syntax.
Wife : What about my new blouse?
Husband : Variable not found
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ...
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?
Husband : Too many parameters. Abort!
Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : Default Parameter.
Wife : What about your salary?
Husband : Acesss denied. File in use....
Wife : Who was in the car this morning?
Husband : System unstable. Press CTRL ALT DEL to Reboot.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Gandire prezidentiala



> > Cu o ocazie oarecare, vizitind Anglia, George W. Bush a fost
> > invitat la un ceai cu regina. Zimbitor, dar cu o netrucata
> > curiozitate, aliatul nostru alaturi de care am urmarit
> > curcubeul peste Ateneu o intreaba: "La capatul unei asa frumoase
> > cariere, stimata doamna, mi-ati putea raspunde la o intrebare ?"
> > "Desigur" - spuse regina. "Ei bine - cuteza Bush -, care credeti
> > ca este esenta leadership -ului?
> > Care este secretul unei bune conduceri?"
> > Cu un zimbet suav, regina raspunse: "In opinia mea, filozofia
> > minimala a conducerii cere sa fii inconjurat de oameni inteligenti".
> > "Si cum iti dai seama cine este inteligent si cine nu?" - insista
> > presedintele. "Foarte simplu - spuse regina ridicindu-se -,
> > permiteti-mi sa va arat".
> > Imediat ea il suna pe Tony Blair, pune telefonul pe speakerphone
> > si spune:
> > "Domnule prim-ministru, va rog raspundeti-mi la o intrebare:
> > mama dvs. are un copil, tatal dvs. are un copil, iar acest copil
> > nu este nici fratele si nici sora dvs. Cine este el?".
> > Blair raspunde imediat: "Sint exact eu, ma'am".
> > "Corect - spune regina. Multumesc si la revedere, sir Blair".
> > Iar apoi, privindu-l pe Bush: "Ati inteles, domnule presedinte?".
> >
> > "Da, doamna! Foarte interesant! Fiti sigura ca o sa folosesc
> > aceasta lectie!" - spuse americanul.
> > Odata intors la Washington, Bush jr. se hotari sa-l puna la
> > test pe Jesse Helms, presedintele Comitetului pentru
> > Relatii Externe din Senat. Convocat, senatorul vine.
> > "Draga Helms, ma intreb daca ai fi capabil sa-mi raspunzi la
> > o intrebare". "Desigur, dle presedinte. What's on your mind?".
> > "Ei bine - incepu Bush -, mama ta are un copil, tatal tau are
> > un copil, copilul asta nu este nici fratele si nici sora ta.
> > Cine este el?". Helms roti citeva clipe ochii intre tavan si
> > podea si finalmente intreba pe sef daca i-ar putea da raspunsul
> > dupa o usoara meditatie. Intors la Senat, el convoaca pe data
> > citiva seniori republicani, alaturi de care zaboveste citeva ore
> > asupra problemei, fara sa ajunga la o solutie.
> > Prada disperarii, Helms il suna pe Colin Powell, la Departamentul
> > de Stat: "Now lookee here, fiule, maica-ta are un copil,
> > taica-tau are un copil, si acest copil nu este nici frate-tau
> > si nici sora-ta. Cine este el?".
> > Powell raspunse pe data: "Sint eu, se intelege de la sine,
> > you dumb cracker ".
> > Mult mai usurat, Helms fuge sageata inapoi la Casa Alba,
> > trece in zbor pe linga secretariat si intra gifiind in Biroul Oval.
> > "Stiu raspunsul, domnule! Stiu cine este blestematul asta de tip!
> > E Colin Powell!".
> > De peste birou, mingiind usor spatarul fotoliului,
> > gindind probabil la ce noroc are regina cu asa oameni
> > inteligenti pe linga ea - englezii astia! -, cu o nemascata
> > grimasa de dezgust pe fata, Bush replica excedat:
> > "Oh, God! Gresit, you dumb shit! E Tony Blair!".
...fara text inteligent
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Mesajde yoy » Lun Noi 22, 2004 4:26 pm

Geography of a Woman VS Man

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild,
naturally beautiful with fertile deltas. Between 21 and 30 a woman is
like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone
with cash. Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France.
Gently aging but still a warm and a desirable place to visit. Between
41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past
mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary. Between 51 and 60,
she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid
climate keeps people away. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia,
with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future. After 70,
they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one
wants to go there. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 15 and 70 a man is
like Iraq - ruled by a dick.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and
appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem
like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance
rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try
to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up
drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the
first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor,
I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen
people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a
diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this and told them
this big circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle
is your brain after drugs". "That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?" The judge asked the second boy.
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 150 people to give up drugs
forever." "One-hundred-fifty people! That's amazing! How did you
manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar approach. I said,
'This small circle is your asshole before prison....'"

------------------------------------------------------------------------
...fara text inteligent
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Mesajde yoy » Mie Dec 01, 2004 9:31 am

CAPITALISM TRADITIONAL
Ai doua vaci. Vinzi una si cumperi un taur.
Cireada se inmulteste iar economia prospera.
Le vinzi si iesi la pensie cu castigul.


COMPANIE AMERICANA
Ai doua vaci. Vinzi una si o fortezi pe cealalta sa produca lapte cit
pentru patru.
Esti surprins cand vaca moare.

COMPANIE FRANCEZA
Ai doua vaci. Faci greva pentru ca doresti sa ai trei vaci.

COMPANIE JAPONEZA
Ai doua vaci. Le reproiectezi astfel incat sa fie de zece ori mai mici
decat o vaca obisnuita si sa produca de douazeci de ori mai mult lapte.
Apoi creezi imagini animate inteligente ale vacii, numite Cowkemon,
si le promovezi la scara globala.

COMPANIE GERMANA
Ai doua vaci. Le reproiectezi astfel incat sa traiasca 100 de ani,
sa manance o data pe luna si sa se mulga singure.

COMPANIE BRITANICA
Ai doua vaci. Amandoua sunt nebune.

COMPANIE ITALIANA
Ai doua vaci, dar nu stii unde sunt.
Pleci in pauza de pranz.

COMPANIE RUSEASCA
Ai doua vaci. Le numeri si afli ca ai 5 vaci.
Le numeri din nou si afli ca ai 42 de vaci.
Le numeri din nou si afli ca ai 12 vaci.
Te opresti din numarat vaci si deschizi alta sticla de vodca.

COMPANIE ELVETIANA
Ai 5000 de vaci, dintre care nici una nu-ti apartine.
Facturezi celorlalti cheltuieli de depozitare.

COMPANIE INDIANA
Ai doua vaci. Te inchini la ele.

COMPANIE CHINEZA
Ai doua vaci. Ai 300 de oameni care le mulg.
Declari somaj zero, productivitate bovina inalta
si arestezi reporterul care a publicat cifrele.

COMPANIE ROMANEASCA
Ai 6 vaci, costuri cat de 10, mulgi doar 3,
alergi bezmetic printre ele, mai aduci personal pentru alte 5,
dai faliment si dai vina pe bou.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? (the latest version)

GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of
the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road.
Therefore, the chicken crossing the road
represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way
designed to bring greater services to the American people.

COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANZ BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because I was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with Crossing-the-Road Syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market
to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it-the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road,
and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will
defend to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many
more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with that chicken. What do
you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

> > Sex in the dark:
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > There was this couple that had been married for 20
> > years. Every time they made love the husband
> always insisted on
> > shutting Off the lights.
> >
> > Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was
> > ridiculous.
> >
> > She figured she would break him out of this crazy
> > habit. So one night, While they were in the middle
> of a wild, screaming,
> > romantic session, she turned on the lights.
> >
> > She looked down ... and saw her husband was
> holding
> > battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!
> >
> >
> > Soft, wonderful and larger than a"real one." She
> went
> > completely ballistic. "You impotent bum,"
> >
> > she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me
> > all of these years?
> > You better explain yourself!"
> >
> > The husband looks her straight in the Eyes and
> says
> > calmly:
> >
> > "I'll explain the toy... you explain the Kids."

------------------------------------------------------------------

> "STAGES OF LIFE"
>
>
> THE MALE
>
>
> AGE DRINK
> 17 beer
> 25 bourbon
> 35 vodka
> 48 double vodka
> 66 Maalox
>
>
> AGE SEDUCTION LINE
> 17 My parents are away for the weekend.
> 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
> 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
> 48 My wife is away for the weekend.
> 66 My second wife is dead.
>
>
> AGE FAVOURITE SPORT
> 17 sex
> 25 sex
> 35 sex
> 48 sex
> 66 napping
>
>
> AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
> 17 "tongue"
> 25 "breakfast"
> 35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
> 48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
> 66 "Got home alive."
>
>
>
> AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
> 17 25
> 25 35
> 35 48
> 48 66
> 66 17
>
>
> and now....
>
>
>
> THE FEMALE
>
>
> AGE DRINK
> 17 Wine Coolers
> 25 White wine
> 35 Red wine
> 48 Dom Perignon
> 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
>
>
> AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
> 17 Need to wash my hair
> 25 Need to wash and condition my hair
> 35 Need to colour my hair
> 48 Need to have Francois colour my hair
> 66 Need to have Francois colour my wig
>
>
> AGE FAVOURITE SPORT
> 17 shopping
> 25 shopping
> 35 shopping
> 48 shopping
> 66 shopping
>
>
>
>
> AGE FAVOURITE FANTASY
> 17 tall, dark and handsome
> 25 tall, dark and handsome with money
> 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
> 48 a man with hair
> 66 a man
>
>
> AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
> 17 17
> 25 25
> 35 35
> 48 48
> 66 66
>
>
> AGE IDEAL DATE
> 17 He offers to pay
> 25 He pays
> 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
> 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
> 66 He can chew breakfast
--------
...fara text inteligent
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Mesajde kos » Lun Dec 06, 2004 7:50 pm

-Ce s-a intamplat cu o femeie care si-a pierdut 99,9% din creier?
-A ramas vaduva!

-Ce au femeile si sticlele in comun?
-De la gat in sus nu mai este nimic.

-Unde sunt cele mai tapene femei?
-La morga.

-De ce au femeile mainile asa de mici?
-Cand spala pe jos sa ajunga mai bine in colturi.

-De ce au femeile laba piciorului asa de mica?
-Sa poata sa stea mai aproape de aragaz.

-Care e diferenta dintre o sotie si o amanta?
-50 de kilograme.

-De cate feluri sunt femeile la volan?
-Care sofeaza; care soferesc; care sofera...

-Ce-ar face barbati daca n-ar fi femeile?
-Ar imblanzi alte animale.

-De ce sunt femeile subordonate barbatilor de peste 4.000 de ani?
-Treaba asta s-a consacrat de-a lungul timpului.

-Ce face o femeie in spatiul cosmic?
-Curatenie.

-De ce nu schiaza femeile?
-Pentru ca intre dormitor si bucatarie nu este zapada.

-Ce rezulta daca incrucisezi o femeia cu un paianjen?
-O femeie de servici cu opt maini.

-Unde sunt cele mai frumoase femei?
-In fotografiile vechi.

-De ce nu pot femeile sa fie frumoase si inteligente totodata?
-Pentru ca in acest caz ar fi barbati.

-De ce nu deosebesc femeile stanga de dreapta?
-Pentru ca oalele sunt rotunde.

-De ce au femeile picioare?
-Ca sa ajunga din dormitor in bucatarie.

-De ce pentru statuia Libertatii s-a ales ca model o femeie?
-Pentru ca in cap este loc suficient pentru a amplasa un restaurant!

-De ce au femeile doua perechi de buze?
-Una pentru a spune tampenii, care te calca pe nervi, iar cealalta pentru impacare!

-Stiti de ce le-a dat Dumnezeu femeilor ciclu?
-Pentru ca merita.

-De ce nu au femeile limita?
-Fiindca sunt periodice.

-Ce e pozitiv la faptul ca nevasta se rostogoleste pe treptele pivnitei?
-Poate sa aduca si cateva sticle de bere cand se intoarce.

-Stiti cine a reusit sa puna femeia la locul ei, in toata istoria mondiala?
-Mesterul Manole.

-De ce au femeile cu exact un neuron mai mult decat caii?
-Pentru ca atunci cand spala pe jos sa nu bea toata apa din galeata.

-De ce simuleaza femeile orgasmul?
-Fiindca isi imagineaza ca barbatilor le pasa.

-Cum te poate ajuta o femeie sa devii milionar?
-Daca esti miliardar.

-Ce sunt lungi si place femeilor?
-Telenovelele.

-Ce este iubirea?
-Efortul pe care un barbat il face ca sa se poata multumi cu o singura femeie.

-Care femei sunt cele mai fidele? Blondele, brunetele sau roscatele?
-Caruntele.

-Ce lipseste din geanta unei femei?
-Ordinea.

-Ce face o femeie, cand se holbeaza la o foaie goala de hartie?
-Isi citeste drepturile.

-Ce este femeia-mireasa?
-Fata care schimba atentia mai multor barbati pe neatentia unuia singur.

-Cum a aparut mama dracului?
-Oamenii au crezut ca dracul - find barbat - nu poate fi destul de rau. Si atunci, "din intelepciune", au creat-o pe mama dracului.

-Care este asemanarea intre par si femeie?
-Daca nu le ingrijesti, ambele te parasesc.

-Ce face o femeie care nu are cu ce se imbraca?
-Se invaluie in tacere.

-Care este punctul cel mai fierbinte al femeii?
-Podul palmei: cum ii pui un ban cum il topeste.

-Cum poti transforma o gaina intr-un pitbull?
-O iei de nevasta.

-Care este asemanarea dintre o femeie si o broasca?
-Ambelor le este frica de barza.

-Care este deosebirea dintre o femeie buna si una rea?
-Femeia buna se duce in Rai; femeia rea se duce unde vrea.

-Care este diferenta dintre femeie si oglinda?
-Oglinda reflecta fara sa vorbeasca, femeia vorbeste fara sa reflecteze.

-Care e diferenta intre o femeie si o vulpe?
-Niciuna, amandoua sunt cautate pentru "blana" lor.

-Care e asemanarea dintre femei si uragane?
-Fierbinti si umede atunci cand vin. Si cand pleaca iau case si masini cu ele
"Dret and double dret"
"Hi Hi Hi!!!"
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kos
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Membru din: Mar Aug 10, 2004 11:00 pm

Mesajde river » Lun Dec 06, 2004 8:10 pm

Varianta Legii Moldovenesti (Stefan cel Mare):

Daci un oaricari sau un oaricini napustise-va asupra feshiorelnishilor fatashiumi cu shtromeleagu' invartoshat, fi-va pedepsit prin taierea scarbavnicului madular... :D
"Uneori se mai intampla insa ca vreun Smochin razvratit sa se catzere pe gard si sa-si ia lumea in cap... "

imi asum ceea ce scriu, cine are de gand sa plagieze o face pe barba lui
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river
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Membru din: Joi Ian 23, 2003 12:00 am

Mesajde kos » Mar Dec 07, 2004 12:32 am

SEXUAL CALORIE COUNTER


It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but untill

recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of

different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research

they are proud to present the results:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent..............................12 Calories
Without her consent...........................187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands................................8 Calories
With one hand..................................12 Calories
With your teeth................................85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection...............................6 Calories
Without an erection............................315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris....................8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot......................92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary.....................................12 Calories
69 lying down..................................78 Calories
69 standing up.................................112 Calories
Wheelbarrow....................................216 Calories
Doggy Style....................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier.............................912 Calories

ORGASMIC:
Real...........................................112 Calories
False..........................................315 Calories

POST ORGASMIC:
Lying in bed hugging...........................18 Calories
Getting up immediately.........................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately..816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: IF YOU ARE:
20-29 years old................................36 Calories
30-39 years....................................80 Calories
40-49 years....................................124 Calories
50-59 years....................................972 Calories
60-69 years....................................2916 Calories
70 and over....................................Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.....................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door...........1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door............3521 Calories
"Dret and double dret"
"Hi Hi Hi!!!"
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kos
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Membru din: Mar Aug 10, 2004 11:00 pm

cu dedicatie ptr corpse

Mesajde Spawn » Mar Dec 07, 2004 9:06 pm

"2 shoricioaice, una blonda si una bruneta, discutau la o cafea:
-ai vazut draga, noua mea achizitie? ia uite ce chipes e in poza....
-hai draga, fii serioasa... nu vezi ca e liliac?
-porcu' naibii... si mie mi-a zis ca e pilot..."
Spawn
 

Mesajde [stryder] » Mar Dec 07, 2004 9:17 pm

whahahhahahah
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Mesajde God » Joi Dec 09, 2004 4:54 am

S-a ales guvernul japonez !


Guvernul reprezinta o coalitie formata din 3 partide politice:
-KOYOSHI
-WAKARI
-FUTUTSHI
cu urmatoarea componenta:


-Prim Ministru MAFUTURA KUTOTSI
-Ministru de razboi NAKOTORU KAOSU
-Ministru apararii TUKUSULA MAOMORI
-Ministru de interne FUTUSGURA TASHAMATI
-Prim adj. Dept. Moravuri HOKUTATA YAKUBOTU
-Secretar de Stat NABAG0 SHINDOSU
-Ministru de Externe NAWAKURU SHIKUTOTU
-Secretar de stat ODAGATA KUBAROSU
-Ministrul Finantelor YASUTASHI NAONOCHI
-Prim adjunct YOKUSUTA TAMAPISHI
-Ministrul Comertului FUTEMASHI KUOSUTA
-Prim adjunct DAYOSUTA SHIMAFUTE
-Ministrul Sanatatii OSAWEZI CEFUTAI
-Secretar de stat FUTONOCHI SHINURECHI
-Consilier tehnic YOBAGASHI KAMAGARU
-Ministrul Educatiei NAGAGIKA SAORAZI
-Prim Adjunct SAMATSUKI SHINKIZDA
-Consilier cu problemele tineretului YASHIMATSUGI KUGURA
-Minstru cu protectia Mediului KAOWAKA TEKAKASHI
-Prim adj. cu problemele poluarii NABASHINA SOMIROSHI
-Consilier Tehnic YOMABESHI TUMIROSHI
-Ministrul Economiei YAMATA KARASU
-Ministrul Justitiei KAKAMASHI NOCHITAI
-Ministrul Cultelor YAKUMAMA SAOSUGI
-Prim Adjunct YAOTU KUKURU
We are nothing but the sum of our parts!
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God
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Membru din: Dum Apr 11, 2004 11:00 pm

bancuri

Mesajde yoy » Dum Ian 09, 2005 12:34 am

Un caine se rataceste prin jungla.
Plimbandu-se el linistit, vede un tigru indreptandu-se in goana spre el cu intentia clara de a-l manca...
Cainele se gindeste "Vere, am incurcat-o! Asta ma haleste!" Dar imediat vede niste oase pe jos, se aseaza pe burta si incepe sa roada oasele, cu spatele la tigru...
Chiar inainte ca tigrul sa sara, cainele exclama satisfacut, frecindu-se pe burta: "Mmmm, delicios tigru! Oare or mai fi si altii p'aici?"
Auzind, tigrul se opreste din salt si infricosat se prelinge pe linga copaci, luand distanta: "A fost cat p'aci! Mai aveam putin si ma bagam singur in gura cainelui!"
O maimuta care urmarise scena dintr-un copac, sperand sa se puna bine cu tigrul, fuge dupa acesta ca sa-i povesteasca inselatoria.
Cainele o vede...
Maimuta il ajunge pe tigru si-i spune toata tarasenia. Tigrul, inebunit de furie zice: "Urca in spinarea mea si vei vedea ce ii voi face nemernicului de caine!"
Cainele vede tigrul cu maimuta in carca si se gandeste "Ei, cum o mai scot la capat de data asta?"
Dar in loc sa fuga, se intoarce cu spatele la atacatori prefacindu-se ca nu i-a vazut. Si... cand acestia ajunsera destul de aproape,incepu sa comenteze imbufnat:
"Unde pana mea e maimuta aia?! De juma' de ora am trimis-o sa-mi aduca un tigru si nici acu' nu s-a intors!!!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------


Inmormantarea unui cardiolog.
Toate erau in forma de inima: florile, coroanele, jerbele, groapa,
sicriul.
Cand sa bage mortul in groapa, un tip din multime incepe sa rada in
hohote.
Preotul se opreste din cantat si il intreaba: bine domnule, acum te-a
gasit
si pe dumneata rasul, tocmai in acest moment? Tipul ii raspunde: nu va
suparati dar ma gandeam la propria mea inmormantare, pentru ca eu sunt
ginecolog!


-------------------------------------------------------------------------



Intr-un mic orasel din SUA, avocatul acuzarii cheama primul
martor, o babuta simpatica, si, vazand-o cam emotionata, incepe cu o
intrebare de complezenta:
- Dna Jones, spuneti-mi daca ma cunosteti...
- Daca te cunosc? Dar bineinteles ca te cunosc, domnule Williams, te
stiu de cand erai un baietel! Ai fost o mare dezamagire pentru mine...
Minti, manipulezi oamenii si-i vorbesti pe la spate ! Dcel mai rau este
ca-ti inseli fara rusine nevasta !
Inmarmurit avocatul ingaima :
- Doamna Jones, pe avocatul apararii il cunoasteti ?
- Hmmm ! Desigur ca il cunosc si pe domnul Bradley. De cand il stiu,
a fost la fel: lenes, bigot si cam betiv... Nu poate avea o relatie
normala cu cineva, iar competenta sa ca avocat este pur si simplu
indoielnica ! A, si sa nu mai vorbesc de faptul ca-si inseala sotia cu
trei amante !
Una dintre ele e chiar sotia ta !
In murmurul salii, judecatorul le cere avocatilor sa se apropie :
- Ascultati, bastarzi nenorociti, daca vreunul dintre voi o intreaba
pe baba daca ma cunoaste, v-am spart!


------------------------------------------------------------------------



Era toamna, si indienii dintr-o rezervatie indepartata si-au intrebat noul
Sef de Trib daca iarna urmeaza sa fie aspra sau nu. Fiind un Sef de Trib
intr-o societate moderna, nu fusese invatat de catre nimeni vechile
secrete, astfel incit cind s-a uitat spre cer nu a putut spune cum va fi
vremea. Cu toate acestea, a trebuit sa comunice tribului ca iarna
intr-adevar urmeaza sa fie aspra si ca membrii tribului trebuie sa inceapa
sa colecteze lemn pentru a fi pregatiti. Fiind si un lider pragmatic, dupa
citeva zile i-a venit o idee. S-a dus in oras la un telefon public, a sunat
la Starea Vremii si a intrebat:
- Iarna care vine, va fi aspra sau nu ?
- Se pare ca va fi destul de friguroasa, a raspuns meteorologul.
Seful Tribului s-a dus inapoi in sat si le-a comunicat oamenilor sa stranga
chiar mai multe lemne pentru a fi pregatiti.
O saptamana mai tarziu, a apelat din nou serviciul de Starea Vremii: - Va
fi o iarna grea ?
- Da, zice meteorologul, va fi in mod sigur o iarna foarte rece.
Seful Tribului merge inapoi la oamenii sai si le ordona sa colecteze
fiecare creanga si crenguta pe care o gasesc in padure. Doua saptamani mai
tarziu, telefoneaza din nou la Starea Vremii:
- Sunteti absolut siguri ca iarna va fi foarte grea ?
- Mai siguri ca niciodata, zice meteorologul. Va fi una dintre cele mai
grele ierni pe care le-am avut.
- Cum puteti fi atat de siguri ? intreaba Seful de Trib.
La care meteorologul spune:
- Indienii colecteaza lemn intr-o veselie


-------------------------------------------------------------------------


O blonda la vrei sa fii milionar.
Mod ; sunteti ta 500 000 € , mai o intrebare si ajungeti la 1.000 000
.Mrerge ?
Blonda : sigur ca da
Mod : - nu mai aveti nici un joker , sigur merge ?Daca gresiti pierdeti 484
000 € , ramineti cu 16 000
Blonda : merge d-le , hai nu mai tine asa
Mod : ok - intrebare : care dintre pasarile enumerate nu i-si face propriul
cuib :
a) pupaza
rindunica
c) cucul
d) barza
Blonda sunt sigura , raspuns corect : C
Mod sigur ? chiar vreti sa pierdeti 484 000 ?
Blonda : hai d-le , stiu sigur , raspuns final C
Bravoooo , blonda cistiga 1 000 000 €
Seara , impreuna cu prietena cu care sarbatoresc la un pahar de sampanie ,
prietena tot blonda intreba :
- cum ai fost asa de sigura pe tine cu raspunsul final c
- hai ma , doar era limpede ca e cucul
- cum sa fie limpede , eu chiar nu stiam
- bahhhh , ce proasta esti , chiar si un copil de trei ani stie ca cucul
traieste intr-un CEAS ...


------------------------------------------------------------------------

Un taximetrist moare si ajunge la portile Raiului. Bate si Sf. Petru care
pazea intrarea il intreaba: bine-ai venit fiule, cum te numesti si ce faceai
pe Pamant?
- Sunt Gheo si am fost 15 ani sofer de taxi.
- Bravo fiule uite o pelerina de matase si un sceptru de aur, poti intra!
Imediat dupa aceea vine la poarta un preot: aceeasi scena.
- Ma numesc Ion si am fost preot 25 de ani. Sf. Petru:
- Bravo fiule, poftim o pelerina de in si un toiag de lemn, poti intra.
Preotul se infurie:
- Bine, soferului acela de taxi i-a fost dat un sceptru de aur si o pelerina
de matase iar mie doar un toiag si un sac, cum vine asta?
Sf. Petru raspunde:
- Vezi dragul meu noi aici in Rai primim pe criterii de performanta: in timp
ce tu predicai ceilalti dormeau in schimb in timp ce soferul conducea toti
din masina se rugau.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

O doamní£ intrí£ la farmacie si ii cere farmacistului
arsenic.
Farmacistul intreabí£:
- Doamní£, la ce ví£ trebuie arsenicul?
- Pentru ca sí£-l omor pe sotul meu!
- Doamní£, nu pot sí£ ví£ vind arsenic pentru acest
motiv, imi pare rí£u, spune farmacistul. Atunci doamna
scotoceste in posetí£ si scoate o fotografie cu sotul
fí£cand dragoste cu sotia farmacistului. Acesta se uití£
la fotografie si spune:
- Ah, scuzati-mí£, n-am stiut cí£ aveti retetí£.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
...fara text inteligent
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yoy
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Mesajde Opa-Opa » Dum Ian 16, 2005 2:28 pm

BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A Romanian couple named their son Yahoo as a sign of gratitude for meeting over the Internet, a Bucharest newspaper said Thursday.

Daily Libertatea said Cornelia and Nonu Dragoman, both from Transylvania, met and decided they were meant for each other following a three-month relationship over the net.

They married and had a baby this Christmas, whom they decided to name after one of the worldwide web's most popular portals. "We named him Lucian Yahoo after my father and the net, the main beacon of my life," Cornelia Dragoman was quoted as saying.
"I can't circle/strafe jump for shit but I can blast myself in a general direction with a RL" - DarkNation
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Mesajde [stryder] » Dum Ian 16, 2005 3:02 pm

yahoooooooooooooooo vino la masa...ahahahahahahah
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Mesajde kshu » Mar Ian 18, 2005 10:11 am

Vine intr-o zi un barbat la spitalul de nebuni.Ajunge la doctor si ii spune:
-Am inebunit!!!!!!!!!
-Cand? il intreba doctorul
-Pai sa va povestesc eram la vecina mea si faceam sex,cand deodata,se aude usa,era sotul ei.Am sarit repede amandoi din pat si cautam un loc unde sa ma ascund,am zis ca in baie nu-i bun,in dulap nu, sub pat nu, pt ca m-ar gasi.Asa ca am iesit pe geam si ma tineam cu mainile de pervaz.

Sotul vecinei ma cauta disperat in baie, in dulap,sub pat nu gaseste nimic,se indreapta spre geam se uita imprejur si cand se uita in jos ma vede. A inceput sa ma calce cu picioarele pe maini...
-Si ai inebunit...
-Nu, a adus o oala cu apa fierbinte si mi-a turnat-o peste maini
-Si ai inebunit....
-Nu, a adus bormasina si a inceput sa-mi gaureasca mainile
-Si ai inebunit...
-Nu, la un moment dat m-am uitat in jos...
-Si ai inebunit cand ai vazut la ce inaltime esti....
-Nu, am inebunit pt ca eram la parter..
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kshu
 
Mesaje: 631
Membru din: Lun Mar 11, 2002 12:00 am

Mesajde kshu » Joi Ian 20, 2005 2:50 pm

Francezii au facut niste sapaturi arheologice si au gasit la vreo 50 m adancime resturi de fire de cupru. Dupa ce au fost cercetate cu atentie de oameni de stiinta, s-a tras concluzia ca stramosii francezilor, Galii, pusesera la punct o retea de telefonie subterana. La aceasta neasteptata veste, nemtii, ca sa nu ramana mai prejos, au inceput si ei sa sape. Si pe la 70 m adancime au gasit niste resturi de sticla de unde, dupa alte cercetari, au ajuns la concluzia ca stramosii lor, Gotii, pusesera la punct o retea subterana de fibre optice. Romanii au inceput si ei sa sape. Au sapat, au sapat, pana la 100 m adancime si n-au gasit nimic. Dupa o indelunga chibzuinta, oamenii nostri de stiinta au ajuns la concluzia ca stramosii nostri, Dacii, aveau deja retele "wireless".
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kshu
 
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Membru din: Lun Mar 11, 2002 12:00 am

Mesajde [stryder] » Joi Ian 20, 2005 4:21 pm

Domnule Director,



Subsemnatul, Serban Ioan Traian, cu domiciliul in str. Sibiu 33,muncitor in cadrul atelierului 2, fabrica Marmelada Rosie, va aduc la cunostinta cu respect urmatoarele:

In urma cu multi ani m-am casatorit din dragoste cu o vaduva care avea o fata de 18 ani. Tatal meu, dupa casatorie m-a vizitat de mai multe ori, ca pana la urma sa se indragosteasca de fiica vitrega, cu care in cele din urma sa se casatoreasca, fara a-mi cere consimtamantul.

Deci fiica mea vitrega mi-a devenit mama vitrega, iar tatal meu ginerele meu.Sotia tatalui meu, adica fiica mea vitrega, care in acelasi timp este mama mea vitrega, a nascut un baiat, care este nepotul meu, fiindca eu sunt sotul mamei fiicei mele vitrege, dar acest baiat este si fratele meu.

In acelasi timp, sotia mea a devenit bunica, deoarece este mama sotiei tatalui meu, iar eu sunt nepotul sotiei mele. Nu mult mai tarziu, sotia mea a nascut un baiat care a devenit cumnat cu tatal meu, fiind fratele vitreg cu sotia tatalui meu si in aceasta calitate este si unchiul meu.

Copilul meu este fratele mamai mele vitrege, iar prin mama mea vitrega, sotia mea a devenit bunica si eu am devenit bunicul meu propriu.

Avand in vedere cele de mai sus, intreb:

Daca copilul meu, care in acelasi timp este unchiul meu, cumnat cu tata si frate cu mama mea vitrega, are drept la alocatie de stat pentru copii ???
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[stryder]
 
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Membru din: Sâm Apr 03, 2004 11:00 pm

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