Un punct de vedere (chestii simpatice primite pe mail)

[Aliosha]

http://www.modestypanel.com/SorSE/#

[Weet-weet]

Primesc tot felul de povestioare pe email .. majoritatea sunt cu tematica religioasa ..dar sunt dragute .
Asta am primit-o azi :

3D
===

This past weekend I took my kids to see their first 3D movie.

I was blown away with how the glasses altered my vision.

Not like I expected though.

I was not overly impressed with the 3D effects in the movie
itself; what really surprised me was what happened when I exited
the theatre.

When I came out of the theatre and removed my 3D glasses,
I experienced the greatest parable of life.

"Life is how we view it."

After wearing glasses where one lens was red and the other was
blue, my eyes had adjusted to the colors.

Now with my naked eyes, out of one eye the world had a blue tint
and out of the other eye the world had a red tint.

I could not believe my eyes, I had never heard of that
phenomenon before. I rubbed my eyes and closed one eye and
alternated them over and over. Everything looked redder, then
everything looked bluer, over and over.

I had enough scientific knowledge and common sense to know the
whole world was not changing colors, timed perfectly to the
instant I shut one eye and opened the other.

This was the most altered my vision had ever been, yet it was
perhaps the clearest I had ever seen the world.

I now saw the argument between the optimist and the pessimist
solved, it depends on which eye you have open.

In your life, do you focus on those who have more than you or
those who are less fortunate than you?

Do you focus on how bad your job is or that you have a job?

Do you focus on the smallness of your closet and house, or do
you see that you have so many clothes you don't have room to
store them?

What eye are you looking out of?

If you want the world to look differently, it may be easier for
you to open the other eye than to paint the world.

[Delphyna]

Am primit si eu ceva de genul...

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a

trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his

son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and

nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor

family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son,

"How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how

poor people can be?" the father asked. "Oh Yeah" said the

son. "So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the

father.

The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had

four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our

garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have

imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at

night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have

the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have

fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve

us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow

theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us,

they have friends to protect them."

With this the boy's father was speechless. Then his son

added, "Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are."

Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on

what we don't have. What is one person's worthless

object is another's prize possession. It is all based on

one's perspective. Makes you wonder what would happen if

we all gave thanks for all the bounty we have, instead

of worrying about wanting more

[memetshot]

Un tip se rataceste intr-o padure, cand vede o casuta mica si
amarata.
Ciocane la usa, si este intampinat de un mosulet chinez de vreo120
de ani.
Tipul: "Buna ziua, m-am pierdut , puteti sa ma gazduiti si pe mine
in seara asta?"
Mosul: "Bineinteles, cu o singura conditie, daca te atingi de
fiica-mea voi folosi cele trei mari torturi chinezesti pe tine!"
Tipul: "Nici o problema", gandindu-se ca fiica-sa trebuie sa aiba si
ea cel putin 100 de ani.
Inainte de cina, apare fiica mosului, bineinteles, buna cu draci, si
incepe sa-i faca ochi dulci tinarului. Asta isi aduce aminte de
cuvintele mosului si se duce la culcare singur. In
timpul noptii, nu mai rezista si merge in camera la tipa. Toata
aventura se petrece in se culca, mort de oboseala dar super fericit.
Se trezeste simtind ceva pe piept. Deschide ochii si vede un bolovan
mare pe piept cu un biletel atasat:
"Tortura chinezeasca nr. 1: Bolovan mare pe piept".
Se gandeste tipul.. "Naspa moment, da daca asta e tot ce ii poate
pielea nu e problema". Pune mana pe bolovan si da sa-l arunce pe
geam.
Intre timp vede un alt bilet: "Tortura chinezeasca nr. 2: Bolvan
legat de testiculul stang" Se uita repede pe geam si vede ca
bolovanul aproape a ajuns jos.
Se gandeste repede... "Mai bine niste oase frante decat fara un
testicul" si se arunca pe geam. In timpul sariturii vede un al
treilea bilet:
"Tortura chinezeasca nr. 3: testiculul drept legat de pat"

[Ilinca_]

hei, ia cititi asta:

"HOLIDAY SEASONINGS:t
-------------------------------------------------------------

One of my favorite holiday pastimes is teaching children the
true meaning of Christmas. Some people delight in telling
children that Santa does not exist. Actually, it is much more
fun to reinforce the story of Santa, and the valuable lessons
we can learn from him.

I ask them if they ever noticed how Santa brings better gifts
to wealthy kids. This is because Santa loves the rich more than
the poor. Do they know why that is? It's because that's
how God feels.

Christmas also teaches us the importance of chopping down
trees, displaying them in our homes for a week, and then
throwing them away. So, another important Christmas lesson is
that nature is for our amusement, and it's disposable.

If Santa gives away all of his toys, how does he pay the elves?
He doesn't. They are slaves. Even P Diddy pays his employees
3 cents an hour in his foreign sweatshops. Our final holiday
message is that slavery is OK.

To really reinforce what Christmas is about, show them animated
Christmas specials. While these specials seem to have positive
messages, it is only if you watch them all the way through. You
should be sure and turn them off with 10 minutes left, because that
is where the lies start. As soon as the Grinch successfully steals
Christmas, turn off the TV. When Frosty melts, it's time for bed.
I know it seems harsh, but that's life.

I know what you're thinking. Won't this backfire? Won't some of
them become Jews? This is doubtful. Hanukah really sucks. It
is all about spinning wooden tops and eating big crackers. And they
won't become Muslims either, because they celebrate by strapping
on bombs and blowing themselves up.

Happy Holidays!"

:hehe: :hehe:

[Delphyna]

HIRTIA AURIE DE IMPACHETAT

Povestea spune ca in urma cu un numar de ani un om si-a pedepsit fetita in virsta de 5 ani pt ca a risipit o hirtie aurie de impachetat foarte scumpa.
Omul statea rau cu banii si deveni si mai suparat cind a vazut ca fetita a folosit hirtia respectiva ca sa decoreze o cutie si sa o puna sub bradul de Craciun.
Cu toate acestea, fetita a adus tatalui ei cadoul in dimineata urmatoare spunind: "Acesta este pentru tine, taticule".
Tatal a fost rusinat de reactia lui furioasa de cu o zi in urma, dar supararea lui se arata din nou cind a vazut ca, de fapt, cutia era goala.
El i-a spus pe un ton raspicat: "Nu stiai, domnisoara, ca atunci cind dai un cadou cuiva, trebuie sa pui ceva in el?"
Fetita s-a uitat in sus spre tatal sau, cu lacrimi in ochi, si a zis:
"Taticule, cutia nu este goala. Am suflat in ea atitea saruturi pina cind s-a umplut."
Tatal a ramas perplex. S-a pus in genunchi si si-a imbratisat fetita si a rugat-o sa-l ierte pentru supararea lui fara rost.
La scurt timp dupa aceasta, micuta fetita a murit intr-un accident si se spune ca tatal ei a tinut acea cutie aurie alaturi de patul sau tot restul vietii sale. Si de cite ori a fost descurajat sau a avut de trecut peste situatii dificile, deschidea cutia si lua un sarut imaginar si isi amintea de dragostea care a pus-o fetita acolo. Intr-un adevarat sens, fiecare dintre noi, ca si oameni, primim o cutie aurie cu dragoste neconditionata si saruturi de la copiii nostri, de la familie, de la prieteni. Nu putem avea altceva mai pretios decit asta.

[touche]

superb

[memetshot]

Plictiseala endemica in Romania

Organizatia Mondiala a Sanatatii Mintale a publicat recent o statistica alarmanta privind situatia la care a ajuns una dintre cele mai sarace tari Est-Europene: Romania.

Conform datelor publicate, situatia economica dezastruasa are consecinte nebanuite dar ingrijoratoare asupra populatiei oropsite din ceea ce (probabil in bataie de joc) inca se mai numeste in limba locala "picior de plai" ("Play-Foot" - in raportul original) . Una dintre consecintele cu efect foarte ingrojrator este lipsa productiei culturale la romani.

Pretul la care a ajuns hartia, precum si costurile inaccesibile ale cartilor au creeat o situatie de necrezut pana nu demult: romanii nu mai cumpara carti. Pretul enorm al televiziunii prin cablu, ca sa nu mai vorbim de pretul energiei electrice consumate de aparatura electrocasnica, au facut ca romanii sa nu-si mai poata utiliza televizoarele.

Singura sursa de multimedia accesibila omului de rand, conform datelor culese de la fata locului (e vorba de Romania), sunt calculatoarele portabile (lap-topuri) care folosesc energie electrica mult mai mica decat monitoarele clasice cu tub catodic. Noile masuri adoptate insa impotriva pirateriei din domeniul cultural au strangulat pana si ultimul canal prin care romanii mai aveau acces la divertisment.

Tentativele jalnice ale unor asa-zisi artisti de a mai ridica moralul romanului de rand s-au soldat cu atacuri spontane si tentative de linsaj, de o violenta nemaintalnita de la revolutia de acum paispe ani. Asa-zisii artisti (cantatori de manele sau interpreti de scenete de prost gust) sunt nevoiti sa circule sub acoperire, deghizati in femei musulmane sau negrii orbi, pentru a se sustrage justificatei manii a populatiei frustrata de produse multimedia de buna calitate cu care era obisnuita inaintea embargoului cultural (numit si legea copyright-ului).

In continuarea studiului citat, OMSM a prezentat cifrele mortalitatii induse de plictiseala in Romania: numai in semestrul a cinceala al acestui an si-au gasit tragicul sfarsit peste 35.432,6 romani, in acte disperate de sinucidere, uneori cu tenta de colectivizare. Printre cele mai dramatice cazuri, este citat cazul unui cuplu care de plictiseala a practicat sexul in doi, pana la epuizarea fizica si morala a protagonistilor. Medicul legist care le-a facut autopsia (fara sa ceara nici un ban pentru acest serviciu, asa cum afirma o anumita parte a presei) a recunoscut ca cei doi ar mai fi putut sa traiasca daca nu ar fi ajuns din gresala pe masa sa de operatie.

In raportul OMSM sunt citate de asemenea cazuri de aruncare in gol de la ferestre, cu sau fara coarda elastica, in dorinta obtinerii unor senzatii cat mai tari, intr-o tara in care cel mai distractiv lucru poate fi schimbarea regimului, fara nici o modificare a vietii politice. Mai sunt citate si cazuri (hilare daca nu ar fi tragice) de indivizi care s-au sinucis taindu-si unghiile sau vopsindu-si parul, perforandu-si nasul si buzele in vederea introducerii unor bijuterii pe care insa nu si-au putut permite sa le cumpere. Evident, moartea nu a intervenit in urma acestui fapt, acestia doreau doar sa-si distreze vecinii si colegii, care insa i-au linsat pentru incercarea lor jalnica.

Cel mai comun tip de sinucidere a ramas insa stramoseasca funie, mai putin incarcata de datini dar mai eficienta taiere de vene, precum si suflatul nasului pana la epuizare totala. Nu mai mentionam aici cazurile de otravire cu sticla pisata sau pasta de rumegus, deoarece autoritatile locale au afirmat ca acestea sunt doar incercari alternative de completare a unor saruri minerale absente din organism.

In inchere, specialistii OMSM au incercat sa traga un semnal de alarma in legatura cu situatia creata, lucru pe care insa nu l-au mai facut. Unul dintre experti, care a cerut sa ii fie pastrat anonimatul, ne-a marturisit ca manierul semnalului de alarma a fost furat pentru fi dus la fier vechi. Nu am resuit sa confirmam acesta stire deoarece sursa noastra s-a sinucis introducandu-si un numar nu mai mic decat 8756 de scobitori in urechi.

"Nu mai exista nici un motiv de intarziere in aplicarea masurilor impotriva plictiselii" a afirmat premierul roman Arian Nastase, intr-o alocutiune tinuta cu un prilej care nu a fost mentionat. Printre masurile mentionate, premierul a enumerat scumpirea gigacaloriei si tiparirea unei cantitati nesperate de banconte de un milion de lei.

Guvernatorul Bancii Nationale Mugur Isterescu a aratat ca pentru prima data in istorie, bacnotele nu se vor mai utiliza individual ci in pachete de cate un kilogram; astfel, o paine de un kilogram va costa un kilogram de bancnote de zece mii de lei, un ziar va costa cat greutatea sa in bancnote de 50 de mii de lei si asa mai departe. In aceste conditii zvonurile legate de asa numitul "leu greu" nu sunt decat o incercare a opozitiei de a readuce platitudinea si plictiseala in mediul economic romanesc, stare de fapt care a facut deja destule victime.

Parlamentul Romaniei si-a propus pentru urmatorul semestru al acestui an care tocmai se incheie sa aprobe si mai multe legi contradictorii. Pentru a facilita munca celor care incearca sa gaseasca o logica in sistemul legislativ romanesc, legile vor fi aprobate in binom (adica cate doua), perfect simetrice si contradictorii. De exemplu prevederea care stabileste "ocrotirea proprietatii" va fi completata cu o lege care va stabili "ocrotirea hotilor" si alte asemenea, pentru un echilibru legislativ desavarsit.

Comisia Europeana a numit un expert care sa elaboreze un raport cu privire la situatia din Romania, dar (dupa cum s-a aflat din surse nesigure) raportorul a murit in conditii cel putin bizare; trimis de seful sau in Tara lui Dracula, deoarece obisnuia sa intarzie la serviciu, dupa numai trei zile de stat la hotel cu usile si ferestre incuiate, nefericitul european s-a spanzurat cu furtunul de la dus. Politistii veniti la fata locului se pare ca au gasit o scrisoare prin care acesta explica motivul gestului sau prin depresia la care a ajuns urmarind serialul "Leana si Costel".

Sunt nevoita sa ma opresc aici, deoarece cele scrise sunt deosebit de deprimante si nu as vrea sa fiu gasita spanzurata cu firul de mose-ul meu de tip cordeless."

[svengali]

Mai "Play-Foot", stii cumva cine-i autorul acestei superbe bataille du jeu ? :p

[memetshot]

*/I love you atat de tare/*/

/*/incat I believe ca mor/*/

**/you are so incantatoare/**

**/oh my dear cat te ador!/**



**/When I go la brat cu tine/**

**/ma simt very magulit/**

**/caci are looking toti la mine/**

**/oh, I'm so fericit!/**



**/all ar fi atat de bine.../**

**/but you see, nu-i chiar asa/**

**/caci I tell ce simt in mine/**

**/Do you want sa fie asa?/**



**/dar tu smile si smile intruna/**

**/and I think ca spui traznai/**

**/please don't face pe nebuna/**

**/si mai look in ochii mei/**



**/understand? I love you draga/**

**/cum the hell sa-ti mai vorbesc/**

**/you are totul pentru mine/**

**/and I want sa te intalnesc/**



**/but is difficult, vezi bine/**

**/caci your mother e pe faza/**

**/si din five in five minute/**

**/carefully te controleaza/**



**/ca for ca s-ajung la tine,/**

**/ca in Shakespeare, "Juliet"/**

**/I Romeo love pe tine/**

**/give me scara din boschet.../**

[Weet-weet]

Primesc chestii de genul asta in fiecare zi ; unele sunt simpatice , altele doar plictisitoare .. asta mi se pare chiar draguta

The Village Idiot
=================

Once upon a time there was a village named Egoville hidden away
in the mountains. Now, this village, like most villages, had
their own idiot. His name was Hugh Millety.

Hugh, the village idiot, was the ridicule of Egoville.
The towns folk would often set him up with silly choices in order
to laugh mercilessly at him when he made the wrong choice.

"Hugh," they'd say, "would you rather have this shiny new
quarter or this dirty old torn dollar bill?"

"I'd like the shiny quarter," Hugh would reply. His tormentor
would give him the quarter and walk away laughing, declaring
Hugh a true village idiot. Hugh would just shrug and go about
his business.

Even though it was a poor village with little opportunity, this
was repeated several times a day by many people. As the years
went by, the ridicule became a ritual that dozens of townies
took part in. The towns folk had little to their names, but at
least they could feel better about themselves in comparison to
the village idiot this way. It was their small comfort in the
lap of poverty.

Not everyone would make fun of Hugh though. A few felt sorry for
him and gave him hand-me-down clothes, leftover food, and even
an old shack to live in at the edge of town. Hugh lived off of
the handouts of the charitable few.

One day, Hugh showed up at the village square wearing a brand new
suit. Everyone was amazed, for few people in the town could afford
new clothing, let alone a nice suit. The small village didn't even
have a new clothing store, only a used clothing store.

One of townsfolk asked Hugh where he got his new suit, thinking
he must have stolen it. He bought it, he told them. And
furthermore he added, the fine new house being built on the
mountainside that everyone was wondering about, that was his.

When questioned where he got the money, he told them it was the
money they gave him. With people giving him food, clothing, and
shelter, he simply saved and invested everything they gave him.
"I may be your village idiot," he smiled and said,
"but I'm no fool."

But why then, they asked, did he always take the lesser amount
of money they offered him if he was so cunning?

Hugh replied that if he had taken the greater amount of money,
they would have stopped offering it to him. He earned his money
by letting them laugh at him, but he knew the first time he took
the greater amount they'd stop offering him money and find
something else to laugh at him about.

"Now," said Hugh, "I'm the richest person in town and have all
the money I need. I didn't waste money amusing myself at the
expense of someone I falsely perceived to be a lesser person.
And you, all of you, have little more now than you had when you
started ridiculing me. So tell me, who is the village idiot now?"

Hugh smiled again, then handed out hundred dollar bills to those
who had been kind to him. The townsfolk were shocked. It was
true though, they had frittered away their money a little at a
time, trying to make themselves feel big by comparison to the
village idiot.

It just goes to show you, if you live in Egoville, take care not
to become the village idiot by your vain perceptions. On the
other hand, if you follow the wisdom of Hugh Millety, you might
just become the richest person in town.

[wwritza]

So to better understand how the class of 2007 thinks, most of whom
were born in 1985, read this and feel your age:

1. The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1985.
2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era and probably did not know he had ever been shot.
3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
4. There has been only one pope in their lifetime.
5. They were 10 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War.
6. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up on takeoff.
7. Tiananmen Square means nothing to them.
8. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
9. Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.
10. The statement "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to them. (They have never owned a record player.)
11. They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.
12. They may have never heard of an 8-track tape. The compact disc was introduced when they were 1 year old.
13. They have always had an answering machine.
14. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV.
15. They have always had cable.
16. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what Beta was.
17. They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
18. They don't know what a cloth baby diaper is or know about the "Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!" commercial.
19. They were born the year that Walkman was introduced by Sony.
20. Roller skating has always meant inline for them.
21. Michael Jackson has always been white.
22. Jay Leno has always been on "The Tonight Show."
23. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
24. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
25. They have never seen Larry Bird play.
26. They never took a swim and thought about "Jaws."
27. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as World War I, World War II, and the Civil War.
28. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
29. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
30. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. (The correct answer, by the way, is Ork.)
31. They never heard: "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel," or "De plane, de plane!"
32. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was.
33. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not bands.
34. There has always been MTV.
35. They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

[vali]

misto, poke, misto de tot

[Delphyna]

Numa` sa vedeti cu ce mi se umple mie casuta:) desi mai degraba merge pe bacuri minunatia de mai jos:
Se propune ca Romania si Botswana sa faca schimb de moneda natzionala, pentru punerea corecta in evidentza a specificului natzional si a adevarurilor istorice. Pana acum este o adevarata inadvertentza:
- botswanii, unde jungla lor este plina de lei, platesc cu Pula;
- romanii - o tzara de pule, platesc cu Lei.
Desi in afara de cei 2-3 zgribulitzi din zoo nici urma de altzi lei prin padurile
carpatine.
Portretul lui Iliescu pe bancnota ar fi absolut conform adevarului istoric!
Castigul cel mare ar fi faptul ca, prin circumcizia zerourilor inflatzioniste, Romania ar ajunge la 'Pula tare', care ar fi intr-adevar dorintza si pe gustul tutulor!
Autor necunoscut

[wwritza]

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.
‘Bob’ the boy replies.
‘And what is your question, Bob?’
‘I have three questions. First, why did the US invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you president when Al Gore got more votes? And third, what has happened to Osama Bin Laden?’
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the children that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, George says:
‘Ok, where were we? Oh that’s right – question time. Who has a question?’
A different little boy puts up his hand and George points him out and asks him what his name is.
‘Steve’ the boy replies
‘What is your question, Steve?’
‘I have five questions. First, why did the US invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you president when Al Gore got more votes? And third, what has happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the racess bell go 20 minutes early? And fifth, where is Bob?’

[gabuba]

Subiect de divort


IUBITEI MELE:
In anul care a trecut, am avut 365 de tentative de a face dragoste cu tine, din care am reusit de 36 de ori, ceea ce inseamna, in medie, o data la zece zile.
Iata lista cu motivele pentru care nu am avut mai mult succes:
- 54 de ori pentru ca, lenjeria era la spalat
- 17 ori pentru ca era, o ora prea tnrzie
- 49 de ori pentru ca, erai prea obosita
- 20 de ori pentru ca, era prea cald
- 15 ori pentru ca, vroiai sa dormi
- 22 de ori pentru ca, te durea capul
- 17 ori pentru ca-ti era teama ca, trezim copilul
- 16 ori pentru ca, erai prea nervoasa
- 12 ori pentru ca, era ziua critica din luna
- 19 ori pentru ca, trebuia sa te trezesti devreme
- 9 ori pentru ca, sustineai ca n-ai chef
- 7 ori pentru ca, te-a ars soarele prea tare
- 6 ori pentru ca , te uitai la emisiunea de noapte
- 5 ori pentru ca, nu vroiai sa-ti ciufulesti noua coafura
- 3 ori pentru ca, ne aud vecinii
- 9 ori pentru ca, ne aude mama ta

Din cele 36 de reusite rezultatul nu a fost satisfacator:
- 6 ori pentru ca, stateai pur si simplu intinsa
- 8 ori pentru ca, imi aminteai ca sunt gauri in stratul de ozon
- 4 ori pentru ca, mi-ai cerut sa ma grabesc, ca sa terminam odata
- 7 ori pentru ca, a trebuit sa te trezesc sa-ti spun ca am terminat
- o data pentru ca, mi-era teama ca te-am ranit, din cauza ca te-am simtit miscandu-te..

IUBITULUI MEU:
Am senzatia ca incurci putin lucrurile. Iata motivele pentru care n-ai n-ai fost in stare de mai mult decat ti-a reusit:
- 36 ori pentru ca, n-ai venit de loc acasa
- 5 ori pentru ca ai venit beat si te-ai dat la pisica
- 21 ori pentru ca, nu- ti s-a sculat
- 33 ori pentru ca, te-ai terminat prea repede
- 19 ori pentru ca, s-a culcat inainte de a incepe
- 38 ori pentru ca, ai lucrat pana tarziu
- 10 ori pentru ca, aveai un carcel in talpa
- 29 ori pentru ca trebuia sa te trezesti devreme, ca sa joci golf
- 2 ori pentru ca te-ai batut si ai primit un sut in testicule
- 4 ori pentru ca, ti s-a intepenit fermoarul de la pantaloni
- 3 ori pentru ca, ai racit si iti curgea nasul
- 2 ori pentru ca, ti-a intrat o tepusa in deget
- 20 ori pentru ca, ai uitat la ce te-ai gandit toata ziua
- 6 ori pentru ca, te-ai terminat in pijama, in timp ce citeai carti porcoase
- 98 ori pentru ca, n-ai avut timp deoarece, trebuia sa te uiti la meci

Iar cand am fost impreuna, si stateam intinsa nemiscata, era din cauza ca m-ai confundat cu cearsaful. Si nu despre stratul de ozon vorbeam, ci te intrebam cum ti-ar place mai mult, pe la spate sau in genunchi... Iar cand ai simtit ca m-am miscat, s-a intamplat din cauza ca ti-ai dat
drumul la gaze, si eu incercam sa primesc aer.


Daca ai citit acest mesaj, trebuie sa-l trimiti mai departe.
In decurs de cinci zile trebuie sa-l trimiti la 7 persoane.
In cea de-a cincea zi, cineva te va cere in casatorie sau iti va spune ca te iubeste.
Nu e gluma deloc. Functioneaza de multi ani. Daca intrerupi lantul, n-o sa mai ai noroc in dragoste.

Jocul a pornit in anul 1996.
Iata regulile:
- daca citesti mesajul duminica, doreste-ti sa ai o saptamana distractiva
- daca-l citesti luni doreste-ti bani
- daca-l citesti marti, doreste-ti dragoste
- daca-l citesti miercuri , doresteti succes
- daca-l citesti joi doreste-ti orice
- daca-l citesti vineri doreste-ti o zi cu adevarat fierbinte
- daca-l citesti sambata , doreste-ti o convorbire telefonica importanta
Dupa ce ti-ai pus o dorinta, trimite mesajul la sapte persoane, in aceeasi zi. Altfel dorinta nu-ti se va implini. O sa te convingi.

[Wild Rose]

Which condom would you use....

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know.

California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.

The Carl's Jr. Condom: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face...

General Electric: We bring good things to life!

AT&T condom: 'Reach out and touch someone.'

Bounty: The quicker picker upper.

Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?

Energizer: It keeps going and going and going....

M&M condom: 'It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!'

Chevron: use them? people do.

Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the border

MCI: for friends and family

Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!

The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter

Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you are

United Airlines travel pack: Fly United

The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before

Wendy Condoms: Where's the beef?

Denny's Condoms: $1.99 Grand Slam

Mazda Condom: It Just Feels Right!

Maxwell House: Good to the last drop!

McDonalds condom: Over 99 billion served

Hewlett Packard condoms: Expanding Possibilities

Burger King: Have it your way

Dairy Queen: We treat you right

AOL: So easy to use, no wonder it's #1

[Shaki]

Penis Requests a Raise
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit
other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such
as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the
day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen
constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

[wwritza]

O chestie draguta primta azi in email de la un preten. Habar aveam ca azi e in 1 Martie. Dupa ce am citit emailul de la el m-am hotarat s-o sun pe mama si toate prietenele din romania si de peste tot sa le urez o primavara frumoasa.

"Pe tarmul marii, o femeie batuta de briza, privea trista in valuri ...
fara sa stie ca un barbat o privea si isi zicea : Cine sa va inteleaga
pe voi doua ?"

[Shaki]

Sefii PSD...

[nocturna]

Este o situatie imaginara, in care trebuie sa iei o hotarare. Gandeste-te ca trebuie sa dai un raspuns spontan si cinstit!!! (Este important sa scroll-uiesti incet in jos si sa nu incerci sa te pacalesti pe tine insuti.)

Te afli in Florida....in Miami mai exact...
Esti in mijlocul unu haos total, o inundatie dupa un uragan...nemasurate cantitati de apa...Esti fotoreporter pentru CNN..si te afli in mijlocul acestui dezastru fantastic. Situatia este la limita disperarii..

Incerci sa surprinzi cliseele cele mai impresionante. In jurul tau case sunt luate de ape, oameni sunt luati de valuri...Natura mugeste aratandu-si nemasurata putere violenta...si pustieste totul in urma sa.

De-o data vezi un barbat la volanul unei masini de teren...ce lupta disperat, sa nu fie luat de ape si noroaie...te apropii...iti face o impresie puternica...si brusc il recunosti: este G.W. Bush!!

Acuma realizezi ca furia apelor il va inghiti in orice clipa...pentru totdeauna...

Ai doua posibiltati: sa il salvezi, ori sa "prinzi" instantaneul vietii tale!!!!

Sa ii salvezi lui viata, ori sa faci o poza, ce iti va aduce tie premiul Pulitzer!!!! O poza ce arata moartea unuia dintre cei mai iportanti oameni din lume...

Acuma intrebarea (raspunde sincer): Poza o faci color, sau alb-negru ????

[Shaki]

Un mesaj de simpatie pentru toti prietenii mei...

[Superba Oana]

lol...tocmai am primit de la o prietena urmatoarea imagine

[Wild Rose]

When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend’s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter’s chest. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds.

Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter’s suitors feel even worse. My motto: wilt them in the living room and they’ll stay wilted all night.

“So,â€Â

[Superba Oana]

schimbati extensia in .pps

[Wild Rose]

primita azi:

[Weet-weet]

Ar fi bune pentru bancuri in limba engleza .. dar asta am primit eu pe mail :yD

" Three presidents, the Bulgarian, the Hungarian and the
Romanian (Ion Iliescu) are applying for EU. Before the
interview, they are advised that they will have to
compose a sentence based on these three words:
"green", "pink" and "yellow".

The Bulgarian president starts: "I wake up in the
morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass
and I think to myself: "I hope it will be a pink
day."

Then the Hungarian president: "I wake up in the
morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in
the evening I watch the pink panther on TV."

And finally ION ILIESCU: "I wake up in ze morning,
I hear ze phone: green...green...", pink up ze phone
and I say: Yellow?... "

" As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan
that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with
joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the
"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with
"f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible. Governments will
enkorage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the
language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of
kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten
styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and
evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze
drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world! "

[Wild Rose]

--- Un tinar preot trebuia sa tina prima lui slujba, drept pentru care era extrem de emotionat, chiar simtea panica. Atunci, superiorul lui, Episcopul, vazindu-l atit de stresat, l-a sfatuit ca inainte sa se urce in amvon pentru predica, sa puna un paharel de vodca in paharul cu apa, ca sa se relaxeze si sa aiba curaj.Preotului i-a mers nemaipomenit in prima lui slujba, dar cind a ajuns acasa a gasit pe masa o mica scrisoare din partea Episcopului in care zicea:
" Draga Parinte, Fiule Ma bucur foarte mult ca ti-a mers atit de bine in prima ta slujba si ca ai tinut cont de sfatul pe careti l-am dat, dar trebuie sa-ti fac anumite observatii:
1. Din acel pahar cu apa trebuie sa iei mici sorbituri nu sa-l dai pe gat dintr-o data.
2. In acel pahar cu apa nu se pune nici gheata, nici felii de lamaie. In plus, eu ti-am spus sa pui putina vodca in paharul cu apa, nu invers...
3. Nu se foloseste Biblia ca suport pentru pahar.
4. Nu poti sa te stergi la gura cu sutana.
5. Poruncile lui Dumnezeu sint 10 nu 12.
6. Iar apostolii sint 12 nu 10.
7. Cind vorbesti despre cruce nu poti sa spui ca e acel T mare de deasupra altarului.
8. Cind vorbesti despre Isus si apostoli, nu poti spune ca e "Fiul si banda lui".
9. David l-a invins pe Goliat cu o prastie si o piatra, nu poti sa spui ca "i-a zburat curul cu dinamita"...
10. Cind vorbesti despre Iuda, nu poti sa-l numesti "bulangiu".
11. Tatal, Fiul si Sfintul Duh nu sint Batrinul, Juniorul si Stafia...
12. Nu e frumos sa-l numesti pe Papa "Nasul".
13. Faraonul i-a trimis pe evrei in pribegie, nu in pizda ma-sii.
14. Eva i-a dat lui Adam un mar, nu i-a cedat...
15. Magdalena a fost o pacatoasa nu o curva.
16. Initiativa de a invita publicul sa aplaude a fost buna, dar a fost exagerat sa-l inviti sa danseze Macarena, sa faca trenuletul si sa o inviti pe Sora Daniela sa faca striptease.
17. Apa sfinta se foloseste pentru a binecuvinta, nu pt. a-ti racori ceafa.
18. "Casuta" aia este confesionalul, nu toaleta
19. Pasticul se distribuie crestinilor fara Nutella.
20. Cel de pe cruce era Iisus Cristos si nu Che Guevarra
21. Pacatosii, cind mor, se duc in Infern, nu in aia ma-sii.
22. Vezi sa ai mereu chilotii pe tine si, cind e cald, evita sa-ti faci aer cu sutana.
23. Iti amintesc ca slujba trebuie sa dureze circa 1 ora si nu doua reprize de 45 de minute fiecare, iar cel care era asezat linga tine si pe care l-ai numit "travestit cu fusta rosie" eram eu....
In rest a fost bine."

[Wild Rose]

spank the monkey!

[Wild Rose]

10% ... 29%... 46%...

;B