Cele ce vor fi scrise aici nu imi apartin, trebuie sa recunosc acest lucru. Oricum am lesinat de ras:
Tipuri de cacat
---------------
1.Cacatul fantoma:
Stii cu siguranta ca l-ai facut. Urme ale sale sunt pe hartia igienica dar in WC nu este nici urma de cacat. Mai poate fi numit si cacatul Torpedo atunci cand a fost auzit cazand in apa din WC...
2.Cacatul teflon:
Vine matasos si moale ca nici nu iti dai seama. Pe hartia igienica nu sunt urme de cacat. Pentru a fi sigur ca a fost facut trebuie sa te uiti in WC...
3.Cacatul caucuiucat: Are consistenta bitumului fierbinte si lasa urme gretoase pe faianta WC-ului. De stergi de cel putin 18 ori la cur si acesta nu este inca curat. Trebuie sa iti bagi hartie igienica in chiloti pentru a nu-i umple de cacat.
4.Cacatul cu aprindere intarziata: Tocmai te-ai sters la cur si te-ai ridicat in picioare...cand vine tura urmatoare...
5.Cacatul sarpe: Alunecos de grosimea degetuli mare si are o lungime de cel putin 50 de centimetrii. Are un potential ridicat (la fel ca si cacatul fantoma) de "cacat Torpedo"...
6.Ca catul pluta:
Mai este cunoscut si sub numele de "inotatorul". Desi ai tras apa de trei ori el pluteste inca in WC. Doamne! Cum te poti scapa de el? Nu se lasa nicidecum luat de apa. Apare de obicei peste tot, numai in propria locuinta nu...
7.Cacatul dorinta:
Parca ai avea furici in intestine. Transpiri, te basesti, faci totul... in afara de a te caca...apare de obicei la petreceri cand te nevoieste sa ocupi WC-ul un timp indelungat.
8.Cacatul buci-umede:
Aceasta specie derivata loveste apa din WC cu o viteza ridicata si la un unghi inclinat astfel incat iti umezeste bucile curului...Cel mai rau la aceasta specie de cacat este
ca nu ai niciodata certitudinea daca umezeala de pe bucile tale este apa sau cacat...
9.Cacatul "bloc de ciment":
Ma este denumit si cacatul "Doamne-Dumnezeule!". Imediat dupa ce ai inceput sa-l faci iti doresti din tot sufletul sa iti fi facut in prealabil o anestezie locala.
10.Cacatul King Kong:
Mai este cunoscut si sub numele de "cacat elefant". Este asa de mare incat re f uza sa dispara in canalizare inainte de a fi maruntit(se recomanda folosirea unui umeras de haine). La fel ca si "cacatul pluta" nu apre decat atunci cand te aflii intr-un WC strain.
11.Cacatul hemoragie-craniana-interna:
Aceasta forma de cacat l-a ucis pe Elvis. El vine de abia dupa eforturi indelungate ai schimbat culori de la rosu la verde si apoi albastru.
12.Cacatul bere:
Una din cele mai rele dar si una din cele mai raspandite forme de cacat. Apare in ziua urmatoare noptii de dinainte. In mod obisnuit nici nu miroase asa de rau, dar aparentele
inseala. WC-ul este stropit cu el de sus pana jos de parca ai fi tras cu o flinta cu alice. Te si miri ca din gaura curului tau cacatul poate fi imprastiat in atatea directii. Dupa aceea observi ca hartia igienica s-a terminat si closetul nu este prevazut cu o perie. Apare la fel ca si alte forme numai in WC-uri straine
Cel mai tare subiect
82 mesaje
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Cel mai tare subiect
de Bagheera » Joi Mai 09, 2002 4:39 pm
- Bagheera
- Junior Member
- Mesaje: 450
- Membru din: Vin Apr 26, 2002 11:02 pm
- Localitate: Romania-Bucuresti
D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
de Mirela » Joi Mai 09, 2002 10:05 pm
Initial trimis de bhuttu
Ce thread de cacat!
gura inteleptului adevar graieste,bah bhuttule!!!:D
[un thread de(SPRE) kkt]....
Pink fluffy dynosaurs
Tremendously hardcore...
We are not born with the conviction that Pepsi is better than Coke and that heavy metal liberates the soul (Solomon, 2003). We try it out for ourselves...
Tremendously hardcore...
We are not born with the conviction that Pepsi is better than Coke and that heavy metal liberates the soul (Solomon, 2003). We try it out for ourselves...
-
Mirela - Mesaje: 2566
- Membru din: Joi Noi 08, 2001 12:00 am
de bhuttu » Joi Mai 09, 2002 10:10 pm
Initial trimis de Mirela
gura inteleptului adevar graieste,bah bhuttule!!!:D
[un thread de(SPRE) kkt]....
In original era cu "gura pacatosului", da' sa speram ca ai vrut sa ma lauzi, caz in care iti multumesc.(btw, wanna marry me?)
If there's a war, we'll all fight!
-
bhuttu - Mesaje: 2510
- Membru din: Dum Apr 21, 2002 11:00 pm
de Mirela » Joi Mai 09, 2002 10:38 pm
deffinitely NOT!!
bah...asta e a doua propunere...bah,va zic eu care e cel mai iubit om de pe forum,nu mai votati in sondaje!!!:D
stiu ca e gura pacatosului....mi-am permis si eu un compliment.nu-ti place??nu mai fac,tata...
bah.gata...aici e thread despre kkt,ce dreq!
bah...asta e a doua propunere...bah,va zic eu care e cel mai iubit om de pe forum,nu mai votati in sondaje!!!:D
stiu ca e gura pacatosului....mi-am permis si eu un compliment.nu-ti place??nu mai fac,tata...
bah.gata...aici e thread despre kkt,ce dreq!
Pink fluffy dynosaurs
Tremendously hardcore...
We are not born with the conviction that Pepsi is better than Coke and that heavy metal liberates the soul (Solomon, 2003). We try it out for ourselves...
Tremendously hardcore...
We are not born with the conviction that Pepsi is better than Coke and that heavy metal liberates the soul (Solomon, 2003). We try it out for ourselves...
-
Mirela - Mesaje: 2566
- Membru din: Joi Noi 08, 2001 12:00 am
de bhuttu » Joi Mai 09, 2002 11:06 pm
Initial trimis de Mirela
deffinitely NOT!!
bah...asta e a doua propunere...bah,va zic eu care e cel mai iubit om de pe forum,nu mai votati in sondaje!!!:D
stiu ca e gura pacatosului....mi-am permis si eu un compliment.nu-ti place??nu mai fac,tata...
bah.gata...aici e thread despre kkt,ce dreq!
Pacat, am fi fost un cuplu pe cinste...
Aratami-l si mie p-ala de nu-i place sa-i gadili nitel ego-ul... Normal ca-mi place! Mai fa!
Pacat ca-i thread-ul de cacat...
If there's a war, we'll all fight!
-
bhuttu - Mesaje: 2510
- Membru din: Dum Apr 21, 2002 11:00 pm
de Mirela » Joi Mai 09, 2002 11:21 pm
bhuttule bah...in primul rand eu nu sunt de nasu' tau 
si in al doilea esti patetic rau....daca iti cauti nevasta pe net!!
end of story
si in al doilea esti patetic rau....daca iti cauti nevasta pe net!!
end of story
Pink fluffy dynosaurs
Tremendously hardcore...
We are not born with the conviction that Pepsi is better than Coke and that heavy metal liberates the soul (Solomon, 2003). We try it out for ourselves...
Tremendously hardcore...
We are not born with the conviction that Pepsi is better than Coke and that heavy metal liberates the soul (Solomon, 2003). We try it out for ourselves...
-
Mirela - Mesaje: 2566
- Membru din: Joi Noi 08, 2001 12:00 am
de bhuttu » Joi Mai 09, 2002 11:24 pm
Initial trimis de Mirela
bhuttule bah...in primul rand eu nu sunt de nasu' tau
si in al doilea esti patetic rau....daca iti cauti nevasta pe net!!
end of story
Asta ramane sa stabilesc eu. Si ma rog, nici eu nu stiu bine ce voiam sa zic. Sa zicem ca am dat o gherla. Ma scuzi sau am soarta lu' costasilviu?
If there's a war, we'll all fight!
-
bhuttu - Mesaje: 2510
- Membru din: Dum Apr 21, 2002 11:00 pm
de Bagheera » Joi Mai 09, 2002 11:29 pm
Va rog sa nu va lasati imbatati de mirosul de cacat care se degaja din acest thread si sa nu va mai certati. Oricum ar fi pacat sa se inchege un nou cuplu cu gandul la cacatul King-Kong.
- Bagheera
- Junior Member
- Mesaje: 450
- Membru din: Vin Apr 26, 2002 11:02 pm
- Localitate: Romania-Bucuresti
de Mirela » Joi Mai 09, 2002 11:45 pm
sa nu se inchege cacatul singurel...ca un nou cuplu n-ai nici o sansa....
bhuttule....
1.CS are rang de seama pe literatura...atentia care i se acorda lui nu o merita nici un alt user...
2.te iert...numai pentru ca in seara asta n-am chef de cearta neprovocata...
3.si sa nu uit..am pus punct si fara suparare punct ramane...degeaba ai te strofoci(ca sa nu fiu total offtopic) pe mai departe
bah,colonele,ia-ti threadu' de(spre) kkt inapoi...gata!!nu ma mai amestec sa ti-l stric...
bhuttule....
1.CS are rang de seama pe literatura...atentia care i se acorda lui nu o merita nici un alt user...
2.te iert...numai pentru ca in seara asta n-am chef de cearta neprovocata...
3.si sa nu uit..am pus punct si fara suparare punct ramane...degeaba ai te strofoci(ca sa nu fiu total offtopic) pe mai departe
bah,colonele,ia-ti threadu' de(spre) kkt inapoi...gata!!nu ma mai amestec sa ti-l stric...
Pink fluffy dynosaurs
Tremendously hardcore...
We are not born with the conviction that Pepsi is better than Coke and that heavy metal liberates the soul (Solomon, 2003). We try it out for ourselves...
Tremendously hardcore...
We are not born with the conviction that Pepsi is better than Coke and that heavy metal liberates the soul (Solomon, 2003). We try it out for ourselves...
-
Mirela - Mesaje: 2566
- Membru din: Joi Noi 08, 2001 12:00 am
How to Poop at Work
de Rolf » Vin Mai 10, 2002 11:23 am
In continuare, un ghid util (in engleza l-am primit, asa il dau mai departe):
How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE.
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH.
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME.
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS.
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR:
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH.
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE.
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON.
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET.
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED.
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY.
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE.
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH.
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME.
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS.
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR:
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH.
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE.
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON.
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET.
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED.
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY.
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
- Rolf
- Junior Member
- Mesaje: 1517
- Membru din: Vin Sep 28, 2001 12:00 pm
- Localitate: Bucuresci (Tineretului)
de darkshines » Vin Mai 10, 2002 8:21 pm
Initial trimis de bhuttu
(btw, wanna marry me?)
eu cand am cerut-o m-a refuzat si am ramas traumatizata :cry:
si vad ca nici cu tine nu vrea
raman moshu si aliosha? sau poate zgubilici?!To speak is to be silent
The concept is dead. There's nothing death should interrupt,
I went to bed last night with one sip left in the cup.
-
darkshines - Mesaje: 2260
- Membru din: Joi Aug 02, 2001 11:00 pm
de bhuttu » Sâm Mai 11, 2002 1:20 am
Initial trimis de darkshines
eu cand am cerut-o m-a refuzat si am ramas traumatizata :cry:
si vad ca nici cu tine nu vrea
Eu in Moshu-Mirela vad un cuplu trainic, durabil, care o sa aduca ordine si progres sub soarele libertatii(ca sa pricepeti cititi threadul de steaguri)
If there's a war, we'll all fight!
-
bhuttu - Mesaje: 2510
- Membru din: Dum Apr 21, 2002 11:00 pm
de Oribilul Mosh » Sâm Mai 11, 2002 1:44 am
Initial trimis de bhuttu
Eu in Moshu-Mirela vad un cuplu trainic, durabil
Inca o data...."multe multumiri fratioare" (a se citi si semnatura mea )
IEZECHIIL 25.17: Voi săvârşi asupra lor cumplită răzbunare prin pedepse grozave şi vor cunoaşte ca eu sunt Domnul, când voi săvârşi asupra lor răzbunarea mea.
-
Oribilul Mosh - Junior Member
- Mesaje: 20687
- Membru din: Lun Oct 08, 2001 11:00 pm
de Oribilul Mosh » Sâm Mai 11, 2002 1:54 am
Da..am vrut sa itzi spun..ca itzi multumesc..desi in ochi mei sclipeste o lucire ciudata ! :p
IEZECHIIL 25.17: Voi săvârşi asupra lor cumplită răzbunare prin pedepse grozave şi vor cunoaşte ca eu sunt Domnul, când voi săvârşi asupra lor răzbunarea mea.
-
Oribilul Mosh - Junior Member
- Mesaje: 20687
- Membru din: Lun Oct 08, 2001 11:00 pm
de Oribilul Mosh » Sâm Mai 11, 2002 1:59 am
Iar tu o maimutza ....de rand !
IEZECHIIL 25.17: Voi săvârşi asupra lor cumplită răzbunare prin pedepse grozave şi vor cunoaşte ca eu sunt Domnul, când voi săvârşi asupra lor răzbunarea mea.
-
Oribilul Mosh - Junior Member
- Mesaje: 20687
- Membru din: Lun Oct 08, 2001 11:00 pm
de bhuttu » Sâm Mai 11, 2002 2:18 am
Initial trimis de Oribilul Mosh
Iar tu o maimutza ....de rand !
Numai ca eu stiu secretul focului. Iar noaptea dansez pe blana tigrului Shere Khan in mijlocul tribului Bandar Log.
"Anybody of us who's poisonos raise your arms and legs high"(din Johnny Bravo)
"Shere Khan is my defeated foe"(dupa Tigrul si Dragonul)
If there's a war, we'll all fight!
-
bhuttu - Mesaje: 2510
- Membru din: Dum Apr 21, 2002 11:00 pm
de Oribilul Mosh » Sâm Mai 11, 2002 2:25 am
Nu stii nici un secret al focului ! Ca nu tzi l-a zis Mowgli !
Eu ..acum incep sa cant.....dansul burtzii....(sau cum ii zicea..ca uitai
)
Eu ..acum incep sa cant.....dansul burtzii....(sau cum ii zicea..ca uitai
)IEZECHIIL 25.17: Voi săvârşi asupra lor cumplită răzbunare prin pedepse grozave şi vor cunoaşte ca eu sunt Domnul, când voi săvârşi asupra lor răzbunarea mea.
-
Oribilul Mosh - Junior Member
- Mesaje: 20687
- Membru din: Lun Oct 08, 2001 11:00 pm
de bhuttu » Sâm Mai 11, 2002 2:34 am
Moshule, te-a ajuns batranetea? Sunt in joc doua personaje: Mowgli si Kaa. Te-ai hotarat sa fii Kaa. In consecinta mi-am asumat rolul brotacelului si am inceput sa manjesc serpii cu fecale Ce sa mai inteleg? Inversam? Sa incep o campanie de reabilitare a serpilor?
Ce sa mai inteleg? Inversam? Sa incep o campanie de reabilitare a serpilor?If there's a war, we'll all fight!
-
bhuttu - Mesaje: 2510
- Membru din: Dum Apr 21, 2002 11:00 pm
de Oribilul Mosh » Sâm Mai 11, 2002 2:41 am
Da..m-am cam ramolit ! Ma gandeam ca esti maimutza aia paroasa. Dar..intr'adevar...semnatura mea face referire la Kaa si Mowgli.
E ora tarzie pt. mine ! Sunt de parere..sa mergem in paturile noastre la culcare !
Mai continuam si maine..cand...Colonel..va fii elefantul Haithi , tu Baghera ...si eu Baloo !
E ora tarzie pt. mine ! Sunt de parere..sa mergem in paturile noastre la culcare !
Mai continuam si maine..cand...Colonel..va fii elefantul Haithi , tu Baghera ...si eu Baloo !
IEZECHIIL 25.17: Voi săvârşi asupra lor cumplită răzbunare prin pedepse grozave şi vor cunoaşte ca eu sunt Domnul, când voi săvârşi asupra lor răzbunarea mea.
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Oribilul Mosh - Junior Member
- Mesaje: 20687
- Membru din: Lun Oct 08, 2001 11:00 pm
de bhuttu » Sâm Mai 11, 2002 2:46 am
Tristetea ma cuprinde cand citesc postul Moshului, iar la sfarsit vad un omulet adormit langa care scrie "Not Online". Io cred ca se simte oboseala la Moshu si ca a ajuns in punctul in care se desprinde dintre noi, userii de rand si intra in galeria marilor mamuti... Moment in care este inlaturat din toate functiile importante, iar rolul lui este preluat de lupii tineri. 
If there's a war, we'll all fight!
-
bhuttu - Mesaje: 2510
- Membru din: Dum Apr 21, 2002 11:00 pm
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